#whew ok that felt good to write

[clownwwx]

emotional rambling!

this is my the-body-keeps-the-score season so I expected it to arrive, waiting patiently ever since January, a dreadful anticipation really. But pretending that it's not there, dear god, it can be so much more exhausting. So I just let it. I'm like "yeah, I know. It's time." I know exactly where it's going to hurt and for how long and what my trauma response is and how I feel around other people or away from them and all the deeply evil ways my own mind operates, how I become way too tired to nurture myself or heal or whatever the fuck. How I scowl at the mere idea of asking for help, the way I let out a proverbial hiss - I become deeply exhausting, deeply infuriating, deeply unpleasant to be around for longer than maybe two hours - so fucking dramatic. And I become so entrenched in myself, I feel like a big selfish idiot who is only capable of thinking of my own pain and how I just bleed and cry everywhere. My therapist is like "you need to feel your feelings to be able to let them go" and it's just so dark in here, I constantly struggle to find a way out, it's just endless, how do you even go past the whole feeling them part. I wish I was unabashed about my needs but putting my needs first has somehow always become another layer in this never ending wound, like a scab I keep picking at over and over. Fuck my needs - I don't know what I need anymore. I need to not have to say what my needs are. Who cares. Who cares.

Actually, I need my sanctuary - the one that's in my head. The windows are big and you can clearly see the sunset through them, it makes the entire area look golden. I initially started to write this with the intention of wanting to speak about my sanctuary actually. I was having a bad episode and I thought maybe it would be a good idea to write about my sanctuary. I came up with the concept of it late one night when I couldn't sleep and I was having a depressive episode. I was trying to comfort myself, or rather my inner child that was just so deeply upset and felt so betrayed by everyone and everything. In the image in my head, I am holding her tight in a comfortable bed. It is serene and the sunset light washes over the room. Our cat hops on the bed and cuddles near us. My inner child has calmed down and is not crying anymore, I am the adult that will keep her safe - the one she's always needed. The sanctuary is not just a place, it's my little magical world where my inner child is allowed to scream and jump and play and talk as much as she wants without being reprimanded for it.

She also has magical powers and can do telekinesis. Yeah that's right! Telekinesis (like Matilda)! She reads all the books ever. She knows so much! She knows of violence, all different types of them, but she has not experienced any of it - because I have kept her safe. In our little home, she can fall asleep anywhere! Whenever she wants! Wherever she wants. And it's so easy! It makes me so happy whenever I see her take a nap without a single worry in her head. She wears anything she wants to, sometimes she likes dresses, other times she likes baggy pants and a hoodie. She cuts her hair however short she wants or she lets it grow however long she wants, and she looks so cute in any style. In our sanctuary, she plays with our cat, and she reads books, and she watches her favourite movies, and sings loudly (and badly) and she never feels alone or abandoned, because I am there with her. Throughout all the tantrums, and emotional episodes, and moments of confusion or distress. This is the sanctuary. It's not just a place, you see, it's holy; to her and me. We have each other throughout it all, and one day we will figure out how to also allow someone else in here. Someone kind and understanding and patient and sweet and loving. Someone who gets confused and distressed just like we do but it's okay because we are there for each other, we can depend on each other.

And I guess that's what my needs are after all. It's my the-body-keeps-the-score season and I know I'll be okay. I will not abandon myself, I will let myself cry and feel and I will trust myself to know the way out. After all, I am the adult that makes me feel safe, the one I can trust.

[dreamingunderacloudysky]

What's your opinion on all the Jimmy enjoyers and fetish content out there?

Whew, ok, I felt like I was going to get asked this, but not THIS soon.

Ok. I'm totally fine with people liking Jimmy, he's a well written character with a complex array of issues and instincts which drive him forward as well as mysterious background for what really drove him to be in that crew. Most Jimmy enjoyers I meet are actually pretty chill for the most part. Do I like him?

Well...

Not exactly. I do believe in creative choice. People can write whatever they want, even if a lot of it I find disturbing. Jimmy's character made me actually feel upset at multiple points in the game, but thays a sign of just how humanly fucked up he's depicted. He's so human and does messed up but very human things, which makes it all feel real on an unsettling level.

The people I generally do not interact with are the people who FETISHIZE Jimmy's assault of Anya and say stuff like "She probably liked it ngl" like actually that is super gross and I really wasn't planning on bringing it up here, but years ago I myself was taken advantage of by another woman so for my case yes I cannot fathom the type of stuff people say or write with Jimmy. If someone is attracted to Jimmy, stop telling them to see a therapist (I mean, I think we all should after having played this game good lord the game messed with my psyche) while I dont agree with it and I don't understand how people can be attracted to him, it's also not my brain. They may be cringe, but they are free unless they're saying the type of comments I said earlier because they actually get off the internet.

This Fandom is very weird, and I'll admit me writing NSFW for it loops me in somewhat in a taboo spot, but I'm sorry Wrong Organ you made well written kissable polygons.

Before I get asked this next, WHY do I not write for Jimmy?

Just reread what I said earlier on how his involvement in the story, along with how Anya's played in part which hurt me in my soul and you'll understand that I personally cannot write for him without stirring up some unpleasant concepts of my past and just the general overall summary of his actions.

I'll be honest, I really don't want to write Curly either. As someone who worked in a leadership role for 8 years and take classes for my job to continue to do that Curly was a terrible leader 🙃 and made me want to bite chunks off of my keyboard like a Kit Kat. He is barely the lesser evil of Curly, and as a famous statement, I firmly believe

"Bad things happen when good people stand by"

But I will write Curly because why the hell not! I'm personally not attracted to him (first of all I'm a girl kisser, second of all we didn't see get to see him oerate pre-crash aside from playing AS him) But he's a good way to flex my writing muscles and give the masses some of my take on Curly. All the characters would be pretty fun to write for

So Jimmy enjoyers, sorry that you get harassed, but the weirdos, including the non Jimmy, fans need to keep their weird ass comments off of normal posts and not justify SA.

While I'm on this of yall want me to point out some stuff I don't like that is done with the character I'll leave a small list.

Jimmy fans... do i need to elaborate on what the weird ones do?

Some people make post SA Anya like she's a non functional human being and incapable of living and just an actual extremely dependent ball of constant sadness. Don't let her SA define her character just how SA victims aren't defined by their perpetrators. Don't romanticize abuse period

Daisuke I hear people complain about him being infantalized, but you have a bubbly character in any Fandom and they're going to babygirlify them I'm sorry it sucks for his fans but I hope I'm not writing hi that way he's just a silly man in my writing.

Swansea... I don't have much to say on it, a little strange to me that people hunger for a married man, but he's fictional so while I don't feel comfortable writing him romantically Swansea lovers can pop off hope you homies have fun!

Curly. Just the people saying he did nothing wrong. That's just cringe and honestly these are all strange pixel crushes we shouldn't be having but have them anyways so pop off to you homies too.

If anyone has comments or disagreements that's totally valid, feel free to leave them in the comments and I promise I won't bite if you don't. ☁️☁️☁️☁️

[jahayla-parker]

Hi!! Just here to see if you could write pin x f! reader (doesn’t rlly need to be f!) where is the scene where he passes out from being sick, but the other way around and it’s the reader instead. And like maybe the reader is super loved by the town and they’re concerned, but specially pin cause they’re dating. Totally ok if not!

Thanks i’m advance!

Fallen Low : Pin Hawthorne x Reader

Description: 6.6k wc, reader is Pin’s girlfriend and during her audition she passes out. Pin and the town rally to make her feel better.

Warnings: mention of hospitals, doctors, fainting, blood sugar complications, minor injury concerns, and related. But overall fluffy!

Notes: y/h/n = your horse’s name

“He’ll be here y/n, just relax,” Zoe reassured, rubbing Y/N’s upper back.

Y/N nodded but regretted it as her vision blurred even more. She took several desperate breaths as a tingling feeling set into her muscles.

“Even if not, you have to go out there, it’s your turn,” Mia remarked, gently pushing Y/N closer to Y/H/N.

Y/N closed her eyes as she tried to get her body to stop whatever it was doing.

It was like she didn’t have control over it; everything felt overwhelming and chaotic.

Her limbs felt tingly and heavy despite the spinning in her head making her otherwise feel as if she were loose and floating.

She could barely see through the fuzzy coating her brain was claiming was before her eyes.

Something was wrong, really wrong.

But, y/n was so confused and fatigued that she couldn’t place what it was.

She felt as if she was forgetting something, but couldn’t figure out what.

Y/N had gone over her routine countless times in the last 24 hours.

Mia was sure to check Y/N’s uniform for any imperfections.

The others had all offered her their encouragement prior to taking their seats in the arena.

Well, everyone but her boyfriend Pin.

That’s what she figured was causing this.

Pin was always there for her.

Or he had been.

But she hadn’t seen him today.

She knew he had work to do, and they’d had a disagreement yesterday afternoon.

But she assumed he would still be here.

He told her he would be.

Yet, he hadn’t shown.

Several of their friends had gone off to find him, trying to reassure Y/N that her boyfriend would never intentionally miss this.

While she was anxious and disappointed he wasn’t there to help, it was more than that.

The couple was always good at keeping each other level headed and ensuring they took care of themselves, even when things were difficult or important.

Perhaps if he were here she’d be able to pinpoint what was causing this feeling.

She was fairly certain she’d had enough water today; something Pin always got on her about.

Y/N couldn’t recall how much she drank, but Jade had brought her a water when these symptoms first set in.

Besides, she was used to anxiety; this was more than that.

“What she means to say is, you’ll do great, you have us here for you!” Susie smiled, resting a hand on Y/N’s arm as she took her place next to Y/H/N.

“Thank you, I’m just…” Y/N whispered breathily, feeling lightheaded, “whew… okay, we’ve got t-this, huh Y/H/N?”.

Gaby and Zoe cheered and nodded, pointing towards the arena.

Y/N mounted Y/H/N in a very atypically shaky manner.

Becky ran in, her hair covered in dirt and leaves, glancing up at Y/N and giving her a thumbs up as she caught her breath.

Pin was here?

Y/N felt her anxiety lower, but her symptoms remained.

She forced a grateful smile, but Jade, who Y/N hadn’t seen enter behind Becky, gave her a questioning look.

“Are you okay?” Jade questioned her friend, rubbing the muzzle of Y/H/N.

“Y-yeah, I think I’m just…” y/n mumbled, gripping the reins in her hands tighter.

“Pin is here, that’s what you wanted. Now, get on with it,” Mia huffed in annoyance.

Susie chastised Mia for that statement, reminding her of her own nerves moments ago.

Meanwhile, Y/N tried to focus on the friendly comments from the others.

But, she was having a hard time even hearing what was being said, let alone processing that information.

Y/n believed she mumbled a ‘thank you’ before signaling for her horse to start making their way to the arena.

Y/n instantly regretted the movement.

The even and rhythmic bumping of y/h/n’s trot that was always a relief, was now making her feel even less focused.

She wasn’t even aware she’d made it to the main center of the arena until she heard her name being announced.

Y/n moved her heavy eyes left, seeing what she believed to be a blurry Pin.

If she’d been able to see clearly, she would’ve seen the concern in Pin’s eyes; and the way his father, Ted, was holding him back from rushing over to her.

As the judges asked what y/n and y/h/n would be doing for their audition, she opened her mouth but nothing came out.

Pin shot a look over at Marcus, who had already turned to look over at Pin.

Neither one had seen her like this before.

“Miss Y/L/N?” One of the judges called out, the question echoing in Y/N’s head.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Y/N forced the words out of her lips.

Only, unbeknownst to her, the words weren’t audible or intelligible enough for anyone to be able to comprehend.

Pin removed his father’s hand from his chest as Ted had continued to hold him back from rushing towards the course.

Pin stepped closer to the barrier, his face etched in fear and confusion.

Y/N pleaded with herself to stop panicking, needing the spinning and shakiness to stop.

In an attempt to steady herself so she wouldn’t fall off, y/n squeezed y/h/n slightly with her calves.

But it was enough for Y/H/N to take it as a sign to begin.

As Y/H/N took off, the audience fell silent.

Y/N however could hear every faint sound echoing loudly in her mind, her vision now gone, brain only visualizing a blank space with static and pulsing sounds reverberating inside.

Pin yelled for someone to stop Y/H/N the second he saw Y/N’s eyes close, body starting to go limp.

It took Marcus a moment to realize she wasn’t closing her eyes of her own volition, rather she’d passed out.

Marcus rushed into the ring, right behind Pin.

But they weren’t fast enough, as y/h/n had understandably attempted to continue the routine and therefore leapt upwards to jump over a bar.

Y/h/n would have stopped earlier but y/N’s body had slouched forward some, which helped her stay on.

Pin shouted as he watched y/N’s feet slip out from the stirrups as her body went completely limp and she fell off of y/h/n mid-jump.

The whole fainting incident lasted less than one minute, but Pin saw it in slow motion.

Y/N’s eyes opened just as her body slammed into the ground.

Marcus rushed to guide y/h/n back to the stables while Pin dropped to his knees beside her.

“Hey, hey,” Pin panicked, his eyes scanning her for an explanation.

She blinked slowly at him, confused as to how she ended up in this position.

“No, don’t” he said, holding her down so she couldn’t sit up, “we need to figure out if you’ve hurt your spine first”.

She squinted slightly, wiggling her arms and fingers in hopes of fixing the numbness and tingling sensation in them.

“Do you remember your name?” Pin questioned, staring intently at her.

“Y-y/n” she answered, her confusion as to why she was being asked was evident.

Pin relaxed a little as he brushed some fair from her face.

“Why am I on the ground?” She whispered, gazing into his eyes.

Pin stroked her cheek, fingertips unclipping her chin strap as he held her head in his hands, “You passed out”.

She stared at him in confusion as she tried to understand what he was saying to her.

“Y/n, love, what happened? Did you feel something before it happened?” Pin questioned, slowly moving his hands as he checked the nerves in her neck and upper back.

Y/n let out shaky breaths as she tried to respond without crying.

She wasn’t even sure why she was wanting to cry, but she just knew she felt horrible.

“Shhh okay, don’t talk yet, it’s okay” Pin promised, “we’ll figure it out, you’re going to be okay..”

Y/n slowly moved one of her shaky hands to grab Pin’s arm as more people started crowding them.

Pin gave her a sympathetic smile despite his concern and kept checking her nerves.

“I - I don’t feel good” she let out weakly, “Pi-Pin, something… something’s… wr-wrong. Some-“.

He nodded rapidly, moving his hands to her face “I know babe, I know. I’ve got you. We’re going to help figure this out, I promise”.

Y/n attempted to squeeze his arm, but it felt more like a tap due to her frail muscles.

Pin looked up at his father, who nodded and pointed to his phone to signal he’d already begun calling for help.

Pin turned back to y/n and caressed her check, “do you want to try sitting up?”

She whispered a pathetic yes and dizzily began to lean forward.

He quickly supported her back, helping her to sit up.

“What are you feeling, y/n/n?” He asked, holding her up.

She squeezed her eyes shut with a small groan , “I’m -re-really dizzy, like… ver-verti-“.

“Vertigo?” Pin offered.

“Yeah” she whimpered, eyes watering.

Pin frowned, arching his body around hers so he could still hold her up in a sitting position but could look into her eyes.

“Y/n/n sweetheart, it’s okay, you’re going to be okay” he soothed, his eyes checking her pupils for any signs of a concussion.

“It doesn’t…, I’m not…it doesn’t feel- it’s not…right… I’ve never-“ she mumbled incoherently.

Pin nodded, understanding that even if she had a concussion, that wasn’t what she was predominately experiencing.

He knew it didn’t explain her fainting suddenly.

But, given her hard fall, he wanted to make sure she didn’t get a concussion as a result.

“Okay love, that’s okay, you’re okay,” he rambled, “Here, head down towards your lap, yeah?”

She silently obeyed as he guided her to arch her back until her head was lowered, helping the blood flow easier.

“Is she okay?” Someone asked.

“Does she look okay Maddie?” Someone else responded.

Y/n squeezed her boyfriend’s free hand as she tried to mentally silence all the voices talking about her.

Pin’s eyes finally left y/n when Marcus began asking people to step back and stop recording.

His eyes turned from worried to silently furious as he noticed how crowded it had gotten.

He felt guilty knowing the crowd and voices he now picked up on likely made her vertigo worse and yet he was just now seeing it.

His mind had been so focused on helping her and seeing if she was physically okay that he hadn’t even noticed or heard the spectators.

His father sighed and tried to give Pin a look to signal for him to calm down, but to no avail.

Pin squeezed y/N’s hand once before briefly diverting his attention.

He glanced over Marcus and their friends who were trying to shield her so she could have space and privacy.

“Marcus!” Pin shouted over his shoulder in frustration; feeling slightly guilty for yelling.

“I know, working on it mate” Marcus responded as he increased his attempts to push the crowd of spectators back.

Pin took a stiff deep breath as he worked to keep his frustrations in check.

Once Marcus was able to get a few people to start moving away, more followed suit.

Pin sighed in relief before looking back at his girl.

“Hey, hey, head down, love” he said, frowning when he saw she’d looked up and over towards where he’d been staring.

She hummed in agreement as she slowly lowered her head back to her lap, trying to grip his arm to relieve the weird feeling in her fingers.

“I’m here darling, medics are on the way, just stay with me…, can you do that?” Pin asked, rubbing her back softly.

“Yes” she said, her right hand palming the ground as she tried to get rid of the sensation still lingering on that side.

Soon, Ted noticed his son’s concern over what she was doing and joined her other side. “You’re alright kiddo, just keep breathing,” he encouraged shyly as he held her right hand.

She let out a sigh of relief now that she had something to grip in order to make the feeling return to her fingers, ceasing the tingling sensation.

Pin gave his father a thankful nod over y/N’s back as he tried to think of causes. “How much water have you had?” he asked, looking towards their friends.

“She said she had some throughout the day, and I made sure she got a bottle when she started feeling off,” Jade informed him.

“You’ve been feeling off? For how long?” Pin asked, concern lacing his voice.

“J-just a.. bi-bit” she answered, wiggling her toes in an attempt to return feeling to them as well.

“Do you want a pillow?” Susie asked, seeing how y/n was craning her neck.

“Where are you going to find a pillow?” Mia responded.

“I don’t know, I-“ Susie argued but stopped when Pin abruptly stood.

Their friends watched in confusion as he stripped off his jacket.

He folded it up into a pile and placed it on her lap, adding some support below her head.

“Thank you P-Pin” she softly spoke, voice muffled by his jacket.

He nodded, “‘Course love. Shouldn’t be much longer okay?”

He looked over at his father who merely nodded and pointed towards the side door.

The medics had finally arrived.

Pin sighed in relief as he waved them over.

Marcus jogged to meet them and explain what they knew so far.

“Love, they’re here. Everything’s going to be fine,” Pin promised, squeezing her hand.

“Alright miss y/l/n, I hear you’ve lost consciousness?” One of the medics asked.

Y/n merely hummed in agreement as she felt a small bead of sweat roll down her forehead towards her nose.

“Keeping your head down was the right step to help, but I’m going to need to see your face now, okay?” The medic asked.

Y/n slowly lifted her head, Pin helping hold her neck steady.

He unintentionally let out a sigh of relief at how much better she already looked.

“She’s got color back in her face,” Becky said happily.

Y/n glanced at Pin, who merely smiled softly at her and nodded.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” The medic wondered.

“No, I- … oh… wow I’m sorry babe…” y/n said looking at her lap, “I didn’t realize I was sweating so much”.

Pin shook his head, not bothered in the slightest by the dark spot on his jacket, “I don’t care about the jacket darling, you’re okay”.

She gave him a half smile before looking back at the medical staff.

“This hasn’t happened?” The medic repeated.

“Not like this, I’ve… I’ve gotten some of it before but not this bad” she tried to explain, still foggy, “never fainted. Did I really faint?”

“You did love. I’m not sure why though” Pin informed her, his fear still running through his voice.

“Oh” she whispered, staring straight ahead, trying to make sense of it all.

“When this has happened before, albeit not to this level, what was the cause, do you know?” The man asked.

Y/n didn’t even hesitate as she answered, her voice showing she was clearly still in a haze, “my blood sugar.”

Pin froze, her blood sugar?

How long had that been an issue?

And why wasn’t he aware?

He could’ve helped.

The medic looked up at him for an explanation, and Pin felt even worse.

How did he not know this about his girlfriend?

What if she hadn’t woken and he couldn’t tell the medics how to help her?

“Do you have diabetes?” The medic asked.

“No” she said, blinking as she tried to focus back on the moment.

“Let’s test her levels” another medic suggested, getting out his pack.

“I have a gluc- a test thing” she supplied, unable to think clearly enough to form the word she wanted, “in my bag”.

Pin was even more confused.

How long had it been acting up that she had to carry a meter on her?

And why hadn’t she told him?

Maybe if he hadn’t fought with her the other day, she would have told him.

“That’s alright we have one here” the medic responded, reaching for her hand.

Pin’s father let go of her right hand so Pin didn’t have to release his hold on y/n.

As one of the medics cleansed her finger tip, the other continued to ask clarifying questions.

“You’re not diabetic? So what type of blood sugar issues is it?” The second medic questioned.

“Hypogly-“ she mumbled, groaning as she pulled her hand from both Pin and the medic as she began to hold her head, “hypoglce-“

“Hypoglycemia,” Pin cut in, concluding her attempted statement.

“Is it starting again?” Pin asked, holding her head still.

“I.. I'm just still dizzy,” she whispered.

The first medic medic interrupted and instructed, “Let’s lay her down, she’s less likely to pass out again if she’s horizontal.”

Pin frantically helped lower her to her back, then onto her side.

The first medic grabbed her hand and initiated a finger prick.

Pin shut his eyes tightly as he waited for the meter to beep that her results were back.

It was only a few seconds, but he felt them drag on and on.

“Bloody hell,” One of the medics huffed, dropping the meter and reaching back into his bag.

Pin squeezed y/n’s hand in his as the medic drew a bright orange case from his bag, withdrawing a needle and vial from inside.

“This will help for now, but you’ll feel a pinch,” he said as he dispensed the dose before leaning over her arm.

The medic inserted the needle and administered the medicine as the other checked her vitals again.

“Let’s head out, she's good to transport now” the man said.

Y/n squeezed Pin’s hand tightly.

“I’m not leaving you, I’m here y/n, I promise” he swore, squeezing it back.

“We’ll check in with you guys soon,” Mia stated.

“Yeah, good luck,” Jade added.

“Keep us updated “ Becky pleaded.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Pin’s father found his son pacing the halls of the hospital.

“What is it?” He asked.

Pin shook his head, looking up to see his father had arrived.

There was only room for one person in the transport, so Ted followed behind in his personal vehicle.

“They’re still running tests,” Pin mumbled.

“Okay, son, she’s alright” his father tried.

“She- she could’ve! She-” he panicked, running his hand through his hair, “why…? Why wouldn’t she tell me?”.

His father sighed, “I don’t know Pin. Sometimes people keep things private for reasons that aren’t related to us.”

Pin scoffed and shook his head as he continued his pacing. “I should’ve known, if I’d have known-“ he argued.

“Pin, even if you had, you couldn’t have stopped this” his father consoled.

“I might’ve if I was there. But I wasn’t.” he scolded himself, “I was too upset that she’d been focusing so hard on this that I didn’t even see what it was doing to her! Not to mention if I had shown up earlier today I could’ve made sure she was eating and drinking and-“.

“Pin, we don’t know that that had anything to do with it”.Ted tried.

Pin shook his head, “I ca-I can’t lose her”.

His father saw the well of tears in his son's eyes and frowned.

Ted squeezed his son’s shoulder, “I know Pin. But you won’t. She’s just on the other side of that door, she will be okay”.

Pin nodded slowly, aggressively scrubbing his hands across his face, “it was really low… I… she looked so so sick, even after she came to.”

Ted stepped closer, pulling his son to his chest. “She’s going to be fine. You both will. She’s going to need you though, so try to stay calm”.

Pin let his tears roll down his face as he nodded, “You’re right”.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pin?” Y/n’s tiny voice croaked out as her eyes landed on her boyfriend seated beside her.

Pin sucked in a breath of air as his lips curled into a small smile, “hey love”.

“Ar-were you crying?” She asked, her hand squeezing his.

He gave her a soft smile and nodded, “I jus-… I was worried”.

She frowned and sighed, “I’m sorry”.

Pin shook his head, “I just needed to hear your voice and see those eyes.. you’re alright?”

Y/n smiled and nodded slowly, reaching out her free hand to stroke his sharp jawline, “I’m safe, and healthy again, I’m okay”.

He let out a breath of relief and held her hand against his face, kissing her palm, “Good”.

“I really am sorry baby, I-…” she sighed, sitting up.

Pin stood, moving closer to her head, “don’t overdo it, please”.

“I won’t. I just wanna sit up though” she promised, smiling at her boyfriend as he adjusted the hospital bed to allow her to do so.

Once she was sitting, Pin sat back down beside her, not letting go of her hand.

“I didn’t know I was going to pass out,” she whispered, looking at the IV tube in the back of her hand.

Pin sighed softly, stroking her hand with his thumb, “It hasn’t happened before?”

Y/n shook her head and gave him a small frown.

“But you have had blood sugar problems before?” he questioned.

Y/n sighed and nodded, “I get hypoglycemic crashes randomly. It’s not because of diabetes or anything. It’s just how my body is”.

Pin bit his lip as he listened to her explain, his mind running through any possibly relevant medical information he knew.

“Do you know why you have these crashes?” He asked.

“Not really. Hormones impact it of course, so does stress. But, stress increases one’s blood sugar so I shouldn’t even have had a hypoglycemic crash today” she groaned.

“Is that why you pushed through it?” Pin wondered.

“Maybe? I don’t know. I think by the time I noticed it was happening it was too late; I was already foggy and confused. I think the stress just made my confusion worse when I thought of other reasons for my symptoms” she told him.

Pin hummed and stared into her eyes as he tucked her hair behind her ear, “I should’ve been there”.

“Pin-” she sighed.

He shook his head, “If I had, you’d have less possible explanations to blame, and we could’ve figured this out together-”.

“Pin Hawthorne, stop. You were there when I needed you to be,” she said softly.

“No I wasn’t. I was selfish and jealous that you’d been spending time with Marcus. I know it was for training, but I still got jealous and we fought. I shouldn’t have let my insecurities impact us-” he rambled.

Y/n interrupted, “That’s not how this works, love. We talk about these things, we don’t let them simmer. Okay? You have nothing to worry about with Marcus; I’m in love with you and only you, Pin. Jealous or not, I was prioritizing my audition over everything else far too much. I’m sorry, but we’re okay now. Right?” She asked, blinking at him.

He nodded rapidly, “of course. We already were, I was just stubborn”.

She chuckled and smirked, “nothing new.”

Pin laughed and shook his head, “You’re not mad I wasn’t there? ‘Cause I am. Sick or not, I wish I’d been there”.

She squeezed his hand, “You will be next time. I’m just glad you are here now and that you were there when it happened”.

Pin nodded, leaning closer to lay his head on her shoulder as he took a deep breath, “I am too”.

“I’m sorry you had to see it, I’m sure it wasn’t … enjoyable. But, I was so scared, Pin. I-I…I… I’d never felt like that before and-“ she sniffled, resting her forehead on his head, “it was a lot. I didn’t know what to do. But as soon as I saw you it was like it didn’t even matter. Despite all the chaos in my head, I knew I would be okay, because you were there”.

Pin tilted his head back to look up at her, eyes watery as he gave her a smile, “I will always be there. Why haven’t you mentioned this before?”

“I had it under control… or I thought I did,” she whispered.

“You told me I couldn’t hide things just because they might dampen the mood, I need the same from you, y/n/n” Pin requested.

“Okay” she agreed.

“Next time, if you feel it dropping at all, you call me okay?” Pin asked, thumb running across her bottom lip.

“Alright, I’m sorry” y/n told him.

He shook his head softly, thumb still playing with her delicate lips, “We’re okay. You’re okay. That’s all that matters.”

She hummed and pulled him back down to her, lips pressed to the crown of his head as he hugged her.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“How are you feeling now y/n?” Ted asked as he entered her hospital room.

She smiled softly up at him before looking over at her boyfriend, “I’m good, thank you sir.”

Pin shook his head, a small smirk on his lips, “You don’t need to keep calling him sir.”

Ted laughed softly, “He’s right. Regardless, I’m glad to see you both doing better.”

Y/n hummed, squeezing Pin’s hand lovingly.

Pin smiled at her, pressing a kiss to her forehead, pleased it was no longer clammy. “Any news from the doctors?” he asked, looking over at his father.

“Did they say when I could leave?” Y/n followed up, hoping it was soon.

Pin glanced at her and shook his head faintly in amusement before turning back to Ted.

“Yes, they will be in soon. And no, they didn’t say when,” Ted answered, sitting down in the chair at the opposite side of the room.

It was then that y/n saw the crowded countertop.

She raised an eyebrow in confusion, “What is all of that?”

Pin chuckled, “You had a lot of us worried, people wanted to share their support.”

Ted nodded, “There’s more at the castle, too. Pin suggested we start moving the new deliveries there so it would be easier when you are cleared to leave”.

Y/n smiled, nodding as she turned to look at Pin who was biting his lip.

“Honey, why the castle?” She questioned knowingly.

Pin blushed and rubbed his neck, “It’s away from everyone, and Arthur will be there to help me take care of you.”

Y/n smiled softly, reaching out to cup his face, “That’s not necessary, handsome. Very sweet, but not necessary”.

Pin pouted slightly, “I know it is probably overkill, but I’d really appreciate it if you would stay at the castle with me for a few days my love.”

Y/n leaned to the side, pressing a tender kiss to his lips, his hand finding her hair.

“I will, you know I’d follow you anywhere, I just don’t want you thinking I need that, or that life. I’m not with you because you have a castle or a butler, I don’t need that” she reiterated, peering into his eyes.

“I just need you, Pin” she confessed, tracing shapes on his cheek, “I don’t need a duke. I need my moody horse boy.”

Pin blushed deeply, delicately pulling her face back to his, his lips pressing against hers, “you have me, my darling. But, you are resting in the castle, it’s much warmer and safer”.

She giggled and kissed his nose before laying back against the hospital bed.

Ted smiled to himself as he watched his lovesick son and his son’s equally lovesick girlfriend comfort each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, in sum, your blood sugar was dangerously low,” the doctor explained, “but, it was a whirlwind of events that caused you to faint. While the blood sugar eventually would have done it had it not increased, you experienced what we call a vasovagal response”.

Pin pursed his lips as he closed his eyes, making y/n confused.

She squeezed his hand, holding it to her chest.

“Essentially, your heart rate and blood pressure dropped too suddenly. This is often caused by stress” the doctor added.

Y/n then understood why Pin was acting the way he was at the explanation.

“Pin, it’s not your fault,-“ y/n softly spoke.

Before he could argue, the doctor agreed, “Given the details surrounding the event, I must agree. While impossible to determine precisely the trigger, things like standing for too long, heat exhaustion, overworking or straining your muscles, dehydration, etcetera, can cause responses like this.”

“See, “ she argued.

Pin huffed slightly, still feeling as if he were slightly to blame; he could’ve prevented most of those factors.

“Now, take those factors and add in malnutrition and/or low blood sugar, such as you had, and it is easy to see how this happened,” the doctor said.

“What do we do from here?” Pin asked, staring intently at the man.

The doctor set his notepad to hand Pin a pamphlet, “Miss y/l/n must maintain healthy levels of blood sugar as much as possible and limit the factors we discussed. She’ll be just fine, but her body needs to rest for a day or two in order to bounce back. Should you feel faint again, lie down promptly to avoid losing consciousness again. Other than that, it’s unlikely to happen again if the factors are mitigated,” he assured.

“Thank you sir,” y/n said.

“Yes, thank you. Is there anything else we should know? She’ll be staying with us for the next few days at least” Ted informed.

Pin held up the pamphlet in his hand as a response to his father.

“That handout will discuss hypoglycemia management and treatment, should it drop again. Other than that, just ensure she rests, and it’ll be over soon,” the doctor answered.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“We should update your emergency contact while you wait for your discharge forms” the nurse instructed as she disconnected y/n’s IV line.

“Oh yeah, probably” y/n laughed, looking over at Pin.

“I called your mum, but it went to voicemail. I can try again” Pin said softly.

Y/n shook her head, “She’s probably still asleep.”

Her mother had returned to America after the summer but allowed y/n to remain.

Zoe’s mum had offered to check in on y/n and watch over her, even offering her a place to stay.

After much debate, y/n’s mom let her stay with them.

However after Gaby moved in, things became tense in the house between Zoe and Gaby; making y/n feel uncomfortable.

As such, she’d been staying at her late aunt’s house; the house her mother had traveled to the area to make arrangements with upon the passing of y/N’s aunt.

That’s how y/n ended up meeting everyone at Bright Fields, having joined her mother that summer.

They settled on keeping the house as it was important to her aunt and her mother found it a distant connection to her recently lost sister.

Y/n had begun to repair, with Pin’s help, the house upon leaving Zoe’s.

By now it was completely functional and safe, but that didn’t mean her mother would be pleased to learn of the change in her residency.

Nor did it mean Pin wanted her to be sleeping somewhere alone after today.

Even before today's events, Pin worried about her living alone as they were all still fairly young.

He tried to arrange for y/n to room at Holloway, since she’d declined to move in with Pin and his father, but she’d rejected that idea, saying Callum made her uncomfortable.

It had only been a few weeks, and she assured Pin and Ted that Zoe and Gaby would sort things out soon and she would then return to their home.

Pin nodded at his girlfriend, rubbing her hand.

“I see here that the last time you were in was nearly a year ago, in the summer…, and I show your mum is listed as the emergency contact. Is that still correct?” The nurse asked.

“Uh no, that wouldn’t be very useful,” y/n admitted with a small laugh.

The nurse nodded, “Okay, who would you like as a primary emergency contact?”.

Y/n stared at Pin, who blushed and smiled softly.

“Is there an age restriction or any other rule?” Y/n questioned.

“Yes and no. You can have whomever, but you will need an adult to agree with the discharge plans,” the nurse explained.

She glanced over at Ted.

Ted nodded kindly, “Of course. You can list me, or I have Maggie’s number if you want to put her.”

Pin smiled at his father over y/N’s shoulder in appreciation.

“Thank you, s-Ted” y/n chuckled, “I’ll put Pin and you down, then”.

Pin blushed and kissed her hand, honored to be chosen.

Ted nodded and helped the nurse update the contact information.

“You didn’t need to do that love,” Pin whispered, playing with her hair.

“I know, but I trust you two the most. And I want you there if something were to happen. I’d need you” she shyly admitted.

Pin chuckled softly, tilting her head up so he could place a tender kiss on her lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I know it’s been a lot today,” Pin whispered as he guided her to the main bedroom of his castle, “and I don’t want you to feel like this is me pressuring you into staying here, or like I see it as moving in or anything, I just need to kno-“ he said, opening the bedroom door.

“Pin, babe,” she smiled, bracing his bicep, “it’s okay. I don’t feel pressured. And I’m glad to know I have you here with me”.

Pin blushed and nodded, grabbing her hand as he pulled her inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pin” y/n giggled trying to grab his hand as he continued to fluff her pillows.

“Pin, Pin, honey, hey, come here,” she said, pulling at his wrist, “sit down.”

Pin complied, sitting next to y/n and brushing hair from her forehead, “What is it, sweetheart?”

“I think you’ve poked and prodded those pillows enough, just come lay down with me, hmm?” She asked.

Pin smiled and blushed, “In a moment darling, I need to grab a few things.”

Y/n pouted but nodded, letting Pin tuck her back under the blankets before he excused himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is that Elvis I hear?” Y/n asked, looking across the room at the window as Pin entered.

“Elvis and y/h/n, yes” pin answered, setting a tray on the bedside table.

“Is (s)he okay?” Y/n pondered, “I didn’t even think to check on him/her, (s)he's pro-“.

Pin shushed her kindly, “Darling, don’t fret. Y/h/n is perfectly fine. Tomorrow morning we can walk out and see him/her, let him/her know you’re okay too”.

Y/n hummed and smiled over at him as she looked away from the window.

“What’s all of that?” She questioned, eyes scanning the variety of items he’d brought in.

“Arthur made some tea, he’s much better at it than I am,” Pin chuckled shyly, “but I also got you some water and these lollies should help if your levels drop.”

Y/n smiled and nodded, “That sounds perfect thank you, handsome.”

Pin blushed, “My dad went to get some more test strips to check your levels since your kit was running low, and Arthur is working on dinner.”

She grabbed his hand, “Thank you for managing all of that. Now, your highness, please join your girlfriend as she’s in need of cuddles.”

Pin blushed and gave her a soft glare, “Don’t call me that.”

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, “Fine, but I do need cuddles.”

Pin grinned and slid in next to her, “Anything for you.”

“Please miss y/l/n, stop thanking me,” Arthur requested as he cleared her and Pin’s plates from the dinner he’d brought them.

Y/n bit her lip and nodded, snuggling into Pins arms as the butler left.

“How are you feeling y/n?” Pin asked, looking down at her as she rested against his chest.

“Sleepy, but in a good way,” she explained as she saw Pin begin to panic.

“Are you wanting to sleep?” he wondered.

She nodded, sinking down under the covers more.

“Did you want to change first?” he asked, pointing towards the closet where Arthur had hung the clothes Ted picked up from her house earlier.

She shook her head with a yawn, but then paused, “Wait, a sweater sounds nice.”

Pin nodded and promptly raised from the bed, heading to grab the sweater.

“Better?” he asked as she sipped on some tea, her hands now covered by the sweater material.

“Much” she sighed as she set the tea back down, a smile on her lips.

Pin grinned, pleased she was doing better.

“Good, now it’s time for you to rest,” Pin said, pulling the blanket up to her chest.

“Aren’t you staying in here with me?” she asked quietly.

Pin blushed and rubbed his neck.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted- yeah, of course.” He smiled.

She beamed and snuggled back into him as he laid beside her, “My moody horse boy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nope,” Pin laughed, shaking his head.

Y/n frowned. “Why not?”

“We said relaxing and low stress activities, love,” he reminded her.

She nodded, “I could read for a bit, but I didn’t think to have Ted grab my book when he stopped by my house”.

Pin hummed and kissed the top of her head.

“I can check the castle’s library, or there are plenty of letters addressed to you that you could read.” He offered.

Y/n raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

Pin nodded and laughed, “I told you, the whole town was concerned. They started sending them to the stables where my father picked them up. Want to see them?”

She nodded and pulled the blanket into her lap as she adjusted her posture.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“These are so sweet” y/n whispered, holding yet another kind letter up for her boyfriend to read.

Pin smiled as he quickly read the note, his attention more on y/N’s happiness than the letter itself.

“They love you, “ he said, rubbing her arms.

She shook her head shyly, “I didn’t even finish my audition.”

Pin kissed her ear, “Doesn’t matter. They know how talented you are. And more importantly, they know that you have a huge heart.”

Y/n blinked up at him through her eyelashes, “Thank you, Pin”.

He hummed, kissing her nose, “I know you’re disappointed with the outcome, but I’m sure you’ll get it next year. What’s important to me - and the town, clearly - is that you’re okay”.

She turned in his arms, moving until she was straddling him.

“I am Pin, and it’s because of you. I'm sorry I worried you so much, but I appreciate you taking care of me” y/n whispered.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day the couple went on a short ride around the castle’s yard.

She’d barely tied y/h/n to the post when she felt arms around her.

Y/n smiled to herself and turned around, wrapping hers around Pin in response.

“Hey what’s wrong?” she asked, seeing the glassy look in Pin’s eyes.

He shook his head with a dorky smile of his lips, “I love you, you know that?”.

Y/n giggled, pulling him in for a kiss “Yes Pin, of course I know that. It’s be impossible not to,” she said as they parted, “I love you too”.

“No more close calls okay? My heart can’t take anything else happening to you,” he said seriously.

“Ditto,” she stated, pulling him back in for another kiss.

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[suffarustuffaru]

actually here’s an interesting question that’s been in my head for a hot minute now: what do you think a crusch if/other faction if would look like?

one of my favorite characters has always been crusch (probably my favorite aside from julius?), and interestingly it was the moment after the battle of the white whale that sold her for me- her convo with subaru was so genuine and full of respect and it since then has stood out amongst my favorites since it’s one of the first times subaru outside of the emilia camp was recognized for his decisions ^_^

it also piqued my interest because there’s definitely implications/said somewhere that if subaru met crusch first he’d choose her, which makes me think about how that dynamic would play out, ya know? like we haven’t really gotten a huge expansion on crusch herself as we have with anastasia/pricilla and soon felt

also a crusch: if would toootally have different relationships defining wilhelm & felix too and basically everyone else lol

love ur analyses keep up da good work fam!!!!!!!

YO its cool seeing a crusch fan around :DD !! also thank you very much for liking my analysis posts pfft. also whew….. ive been writing my answer for this ask on and off for a while hah its super long oops wkdndnsn

but ok its super interesting to hear what drew you to crusch in the first place - crusch is a character im definitely interested in (i would LOVE to see her finally expanded upon!!) and shes such a respectable person for sure <3 and you definitely have a point that its one of the first time subaru outside of the emilia camp was recognized!! though i didnt know that there were implications that if subaru met crusch first he'd choose her - i suppose that makes sense in that subaru really respects and likes crusch, and hes such a moldable character - for lack of a better term - bc its sooo easy for him to go in all sorts of different directions. a crusch if is an interesting possibility and im sure it absolutely wouldve happened in some form in some other universe :O !!

alright. as for a crusch if - yeah youre right, thered be such a different dynamic between subaru, the crusch camp, and everyone around them. :o im not Entirely sure how a crusch if would go but i certainly have ideas!!! though im not sure if im entirely an expert on them given i still havent finished the wilhelm-centric ex novels or read many crusch camp stories, but i did read ex 1 and 4 and enjoyed them quite a lot <3 along with you know, the main route. but i do really like the crusch camp and i hope theyre expanded upon eventually.

gonna put More thoughts under the cut (note that i have a Lot of opinions on the crusch camp hah):

ok first of all. i think that the crusch camp Does have a little wasted potential in canon and i think that crusch if is the perfect opportunity to explore Everything with crusch camp. just in the sense that you know, crusch hasnt been expanded upon just yet. not that felt has been expanded upon much either but at least we get a lot of details about her and her whole backstory with being a member of the royal family + her relationship with rom opens itself up to a lot of possibilities (theres a lot of History going around in the felt camp regarding felt, reinhard, carol and grimm, rom, etc being in the same camp given their family connections, demihuman war history, etc).

and not that we Dont get details about crusch of course, but i feel that even in her Own centric content, shes a little overshadowed by Everyone else sometimes. like i WANT to focus more on crusch as a person!! she gets cool moments yeah, but as much as i enjoyed reading ex1 im forever gonna be salty that her plot in ex1 was like about people having problems with her gender expression (ill go into this again later bc i know its connected to that plot point of crusch as a noble leader vs crusch as. a woman.) for more than half the runtime and everyone around her was discussing about what to do with her. and then in main route shes put through the RINGER between being cut down by gluttony, having her memories erased, and the dragon blood in arc 5 - and yet it STILL feels like the story doesnt focus enough on HER own pain. how is SHE feeling about this????? shes getting her shit rocked left and right and her sense of identity is being shaken along with it (see: her becoming more shy and withdrawn after her memories are gone) and yet i feel like we STILL dont hear about her Directly enough T^T

and also i Dont like that in the main route, the crusch camps connections to the royal family (with wilhelm being assigned to aid the royal family and bc of that heinkel was assigned to the white whale and so theresia went in heinkels stead + ferris and crusch's relationships with fourier) ARENT that explored. esp when like felt comes into play publically in arc 3 and the crusch camp BARELY REACTS. YOU THINK THEY WOULD REACT MORE TO FELT BEING HERE AND REINHARD SPONSORING FELT. its especially kind of painful after you read ex1 and its like ?? so why didnt they react more to felt being there??? related to + looking exactly like crusch and ferris's dead boyfriend, nonetheless, esp when their goal is to kill the dragon bc the royal family all died as far as they knew and NOW theres someone in the royal family that actually lived???? whos a rival for the throne now??? also i feel like the potential of like. ferris and wilhelms dynamic isnt explored either. like i have to wonder how they seem like theyre on decent/good terms in canon when ferris is friends with reinhard, wilhelms role in the demihuman war, and also wilhelm fucking up his family (with ferris being Aware of a lot of reinhards family situation, of course). and also of course wilhelm has Things going on with rom and carol and grimm bc demihuman war... ex novel things...

so like i think that inherently the crusch and felt camps ARE kind of sort of intertwined in this way bc of ALL these reasons. so i think if youre exploring crusch camp content all of this SHOULD be acknowledged. or maybe thats the felt camp fan in me talking but i DO GENUINELY THINK THE CRUSCH AND FELT CAMPS ARE CONNECTED A LOT ☝️☝️☝️

and so ok back to crusch if things!!!! i have no idea how the Exact plot goes but like i think this is all very dependent on how the crusch if divergence even starts. which Makes sense but yeah :o i mean i feel like i can only see it happening right from the get go in arc 1. and also this goes with what you said - if subaru met them first he'd probs choose to join them. but tbh i also kinda sort of like the possibility that maybe at least Some of arc 1 still happened in another font so subaru can be like "yeah lol this blond girl with red eyes was there along with this giant dude and t -" and crusch and ferris are thinking "OK IT COULD BE ANY RANDOM GIRL WITH BLOND HAIR AND RED EYES THATS NOT A COMPLETE GUARANTEE ITS SOMEONE FROM THE ROYAL FAMILY RIGHT??" and also wilhelms gonna vaguely go "hey whats this giants name again....." anyway yeah gotta plant those seeds for future plot things???? yes. also its a good segue into subaru learning more crusch camp related history yes. maybe that (subarus arc 1 info) is what allows him to join crusch camp too????? yeah im having trouble brainstorming ideas on how he even joins the camp but im guessing its a “subaru accidentally stumbles across stuff and crusch camp is like well i guess we just Kinda have to let you in……. like taking pity on a stray kitten…… maybe youll be useful… and also we do pity you a bit yeah you seem very lost” thing. 👍👍👍

(or alternatively you could have subaru branch off into crusch camp at arc 3 or smth given hes like actually physically at their place and away from emilia camp now but at the same time i doubt that could even happen given the position he was in arc 3???? like post-royal selection drama?? yeah i dont really see it happening imo HAH)

anyway. yeah so its like. inevitably subaru is gonna figure out you know the history behind all of the others in the crusch camp. like whether thats by doing his own research - especially bc you know wilhelm, crusch, ferris are all very well known by this point and have all kinds of rumors and info on them flying around - and also like. by getting closer with everyone. i think that if subaru joined crusch camp early, either he knows hes got rbd bc of arc 1 and manages to avoid it for a while, is my guess, given crusch camp doesnt get involved in life threatening things until. the white whale.

but until then i think subarus probably not gonna die. and i think hes probs gonna be in Fear of that happening again, maybe he blocks out a bit of arc 1 some more bc ahhaah i havent died or anything in so long so surely that never happened. maybe he tries to tell crusch once he gets closer with her or maybe he doesnt try at all bc hahaha did that even happen???? or maybe he asks her about her dp and if its Only about truths from that persons pov rather than Fact and shes like "yeah no its personal truths only, so even if someone is completely wrong about a fact but Believes it wholeheartedly its still gonna register as the truth" and hes like FUCK ok. smth like that?? yes. gotta give him inner turmoil even when hes not actively in danger. bc he Would have that yes. but either way i think he’d be curious and wanna know the specifics of her dp anyway!!!

yeah so anyway the white whale happens and subarus whole shit gets wrecked oops.... and my guess is that you know hes gonna loop a whole shit ton of times and its gonna be complete and utter hell for him. but also this is kind of a little bit dependent on how exactly the royal selection goes for him - but i HIGHLY doubt itd go the same as canon. i doubt he’d even make a scene, tbh—i mean assuming subaru joins crusch camp very early somehow, between crusch and ferris and wilhelm the three of them are gonna Really whip him into shape. metaphorically beat his s1 flaws out of him. bc like—i mean in canon subaru Did learn and grow yes, but he didnt Have to learn everything so harshly (ok but canon subaru Did have to get beat in the duel though or he wouldve died skcbsnd but i still think that subaru can still learn the same lessons more Gently whenever possible. hes a normal teenage boy trying his best!!). i think crusch camp would be good for him in this way, i mean crusch is a very duty-focused person and ferris and wilhelm are blunt people. ferris especially is not gonna take any bullshit wkdndnd (ESPECIALLY when subaru could humiliate crusch and the entire camp) and wilhelm sees himself in subaru and is gonna go “ah…….. you should. not act like that. let me train you.” and ALSO im a firm believer and enjoyer in the reinhard-ferris-julius friendship and i think that reinhard ESPECIALLY must have communicated with crusch camp about felt before arc 3, otherwise crusch camp wouldve had a stronger reaction to felts grand entrance into the royal selection. also if subarus getting closer to crusch camp then of course he figures out stuff like the reinhard-ferris-julius friendship.

again not entirely sure about specific plot beats but depending on how things go emilia camp may or may not get royally fucked (as an emilia camp enjoyer im very saddened by this 😔) but i DO feel like subaru would still be sympathetic towards them in a crusch if. and also theres Definitely gonna be at least one loop during arc 3 where the white whale Does erase crusch and wilhelm and ferris goes insane (like how they end up in pride if. yeah.) so subaru gets to see the consequences if they lose to the white whale. but i DO think that the final loop should still have the consequences of crusch being targeted by gluttony and losing her memories. its interesting to explore!!! especially if subaru himself still becomes a victim of gluttony in some way—maybe they both become victims of gluttony there?? or it happens to subaru later?? and i feel like arc 5 is Definitely another opportunity for some crazy looping. for sure.

also roswaal may want to try some shit bc Why is subaru in another camp this is not according to plan. so more opportunities to torture subaru 👍👍👍 and also crusch camp in canon keeps taking one L after another so you know. familiar territory in terms of how subaru and co are doing 😭😭😭😭

but anyway. i think a crusch camp and felt camp alliance (or Almost alliance?) is in order bc. well we know subaru he tries to fix things. hes nosy. he learns eventually All the crusch camp history and is like ok so why arent we allies with felt camp at least for rn??? like urging wilhelm to make it up with reinhard and such, etc etc. and crusch and felt are the candidates that are both Very deeply unsatisfied with the current system of lugunica and want to remake everything to be better!! and also like. how does ferris even feel about wilhelm. i lowkey want crusch if to have a plot beat where ferris-crusch-subaru metaphorically beat up wilhelm for being Terrible. actually scratch lowkey i want highkey. and i think crusch is just like yeah sorry i do respect you in a lot of ways wilhelm and youre a very key member in our camp and i appreciate it but also fighting against demihumans in the demihuman war + being awful to your family was definitely. 😬 ESPECIALLY since she grew up with ferris too okay. she and her dad literally took in ferris after being stuck in a basement for the first nine years of his life. and while ferris and reinhards family situations are Very Different, the common thread is generational trauma and Passed Down abilities/traits that also relate to the trauma so. i feel like ferris at Least has some secret strong feelings about wilhelm ok i dont care what tappei has to say on this (actually i do care but i will care less if tappei has a bad take on this bc ferris and reinhard are FRIENDS + WILHELM WAS WRONG FOR THE DEMIHUMAN WAR ok ferris was horribly abused also bc of fantasy racism).

and alright ok im gonna talk about some more crusch-ferris-subaru dynamics bc subaru and wilhelm are most likely gonna fall into their weird grandson-grandfather dynamic again. especially now that subarus in crusch camp.

so—gender expression. the way crusch-ferris-subaru dress and their relationships with this part of their identities. personally i hc all three of them as nonbinary but of course u can have different hcs/opinions than me :o either way though, gender expression is Very important to all three of them and its given focus in the plot multiple times so im gonna try to examine how its handled in canon a bit!! theres this one bit from the arc 5 wn that i think about a lot:

so you know, subaru has his internalized issues, toxic masculinity for one, so hes struggling with like. being a man but also like he genuinely enjoys crossdressing but also hes been judged for it in the past and he has?? complicated feelings on it. hes struggling with his identity and who he is in many many different ways and gender is one key aspect of it. and then he comes along and crusch and ferris BASICALLY challenge him and his internalized ideas on it—crusch being a woman who dresses more masculine and ferris being a man who dresses more feminine. they challenge even the fantasy world’s society too—crusch more so, bc shes a woman and in the public eye due to her family and shes expected to dress and behave the way a noblewoman should. more feminine. but she refuses which is a point of contention in ex1 of course…

ferris seems to get less scrutiny from the public on this (at least for This exact reason, we only see subaru iirc judge him for it on screen) but my guess is bc he 1. can easily pass as a girl and 2. he has other more Noticeable traits to the public (having the Blue title and being demihuman for example). but also theres another aspect to ferris and its that he also dresses femininely to represent “the feminine side crusch lacks” iirc…. which. to be quite frank thats. that feels a little odd to me but anyway im gonna choose to look into it a bit regardless bc i think it could potentially be interesting maybe?? but also the fourier-crusch duel in ex1 already felt off to me wkfndnd it was such a fun scene but like??? why are we policing what crusch wants to wear??? but. anyway.

so about ferris being “the feminine side crusch lacks”……. ferris and crusch's gender expression are completely opposite, ferris being feminine of course and crusch being masculine. ferris and crusch are very much like each others equal halves in canon - you dont find one without the other, theyre basically a pair (especially given they fit together into this perfect trio with fourier and now fouriers gone :(( ). ferris and crusch balance each other out in a lot of ways, especially given ferris's mischevious yet perceptive personality and crusch being more serious but a bit airheaded with emotional matters. and also both of them being more blunt honest people. so like their gender expression balances each other out bc theyre opposites. ferris wants to keep balancing out crusch, whos so focused on duty that her needs and her desires and emotions sometimes go by the wayside (id personally attribute at least a tiny bit of her airheadedness with emotions to this too - when you have so much responsibilities to attend to, your emotions often take a backseat. especially when you take into account people judging crusch for how she expresses herself....).

but also ferris does note that "because crusch-sama said this suits ferris, what i am, i am, and this most suits the radiance of ferris' soul. crusch-samas words, ferris will repay with everything that i am". im gonna interpret this as crusch recognizing that ferris truly likes to express his appearance in a feminine way and providing ferris with the means and support to do so, especially since crusch herself growing up also prefers to express herself as opposite to her biological sex and also bc crusch and her family took in ferris so they grew up together. which i think is very sweet <3

and also more regarding crusch, in canon she expresses herself more femininely after getting her memories wiped by gluttony........... i think there might (emphasis on Might) be vaguely a kind of "feminine=weak and masculine=strong thats why crusch goes back to being feminine after memories gone" undertone if you choose to see it that way but im Electing to ignore it. i think crusch's change in expression post-gluttony though like emphasizes how her identity gets shaken after her memories are erased. she was a confident person before and now shes more timid and withdrawn bc she isnt sure of herself or her abilities anymore :(( which is definitely smth that should be explored in Any crusch camp centric content, i think.

anyway. yeah also i def think the ferris-crusch-subaru gender things should be explored. its already briefly touched on in canon with stuff like that arc 5 wn snippet i shared, but i do think subaru being friends with ferris and crusch will help him with confidence regarding how he likes to express himself as well. which i think would be very sweet to explore <3 (sorry this briefly derailed into a ferris-crusch-subaru gender expression analysis but this part of their characters is important i feel aljdlfjsldfj and its SUCH good parallel between them)

as for general dynamics stuff between the three of them. i think ferris is on the fence about subaru at first and goes from "hes an idiot..." to "hes an idiot <3" i have no specific thoughts on this at the moment thats just the vibe thats probably happening. maybe a bit of the same with crusch but yes im sure crusch and ferris of course grow to respect subaru, and im sure they notice pretty quick that subaru wears his emotions on his sleeve. hes an honest person in almost all things, or at least he tries to be, unless hes being held at gunpoint to keep things secret bc rbd lajdlfjl. and we Know subaru is a very respectable person whos Really good at heart, he just had all these hurdles to get through. and also - subaru is a tiny bit similar to fourier in terms of like Loud, Passionate, Determined, kind of an idiot in a few ways but a Lovable one, that sort of thing. of course ferris and crusch are VERY MUCH not going to be replacing fourier. absolutely not they would never in a million years. but fourier like Really fit in with ferris and crusch bc of the three of them having different personality traits, so i think subaru would fit well with ferris and crusch for similar reasons. if that makes sense. the energies just match up. ferris and subaru particularly bring a lot of fun and lightheartedness and ease weight on crusch’s shoulders, crusch supports them both, and all three of them reel each other in in different ways <3

ok also regarding any romance............ personally i dont see the appeal of crusch x subaru but thats just me lajsdlfjls and also my heart got stolen by fourier x ferris x crusch oops. plus i do enjoy the ferris and subaru + subaru and crusch friendship possibilities. but if anyones reading this and is a fan of crusch x subaru feel free to send me propaganda for it bc im very curious as to what makes you really like the ship <3

yeah so anyway. this has been my extremely long explanation as to how crusch if could maybe go and also all sorts of stuff id love to see explored when it comes to crusch if or crusch camp centered content in general <3 its hard to tell how a crusch if would go further down the line bc you know, the more that changes from main route the more things go Different, but i think its fascinating to think about. hope this kind of answered your question op? :O :D !!

ok but as for other camps. i have absolutely no clue how itd go but ana camp would Definitely have to involve subaru trying to invent things that carry on from earth and such and felt camp Absolutely involves more trying to solve more astrea drama. no specific thoughts on this yet (ALSO I STILL HAVENT CAUGHT UP ON ANA CAMP SIDE STORIES... ONE DAY. I SWEAR.) but you know, lots of interesting possibilities here!! :O

[kyeskorner]

HOLY SHOOT A SPLATOON WRITER YOU JUST MADE MY DAY! I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AS WELL!

Anyway, can I get a Big Man x Sanitized!Reader? Maybe they were pen pals or something like that, and when Big Man finally sees them in person they got gotten?

OK HI ANONYMOUS. I'M GONNA COOK FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CAUSE THIS MY FIRST TIME WRITING BIG MAN AND SOMETHING LIKE THIS BEFORE BUT RAGHHH HERE WE GO

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BIG MAN X SANITIZED!READER

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were in the Deepsea Metro for the longest time.

You were put through the process of sanitization. To say it wasn't grueling would, well... just be a lie.

Now you ride the trains, searching desperately for something... anything...

Little did you know, you would get that.

The train stopped at the central station. You stepped off the train and wandered around like you always do.

You stepped over to the lockers. You searched through these everytime, just to see if anything new was there. It's not like anyone was using them. Hell, the last one that was opened was the 8 one. And even then, nothing was there.

You opened Lockers 1 and 2. Nothing. As per usual... but then you got to Locker 3... you opened it up- and there was a bottle with a paper inside. And next to it, a paper and pen.

That was... odd. What was this all about?

You uncork the bottle and read what's inside.

"Hello, pen pal! My name is Big Man! I've sent this out to make a new friend, and you are it! Tell me about yourself! I'm sure we'll be great friends!"

"Pen pal?" You thought to yourself. It's not like you had anything better to do.

So, you write some stuff down. Some facts about yourself... that you could remember at least.

You just... place the bottle in with your written letter now. You held onto the pen of course.

You had no idea if this was even gonna... WORK or not.

You check the locker again and- the bottle was back! Recorked and everything, with a new sheet of paper!

You just made yourself a pen pal, how great!

Timeskip happens, and you two decide to meet up. Big Man told you about a great place called Splatsville.

So when the train arrived to the station, you couldn't help but feel nervous.

You walk out of the station, hood covering your face.

The first thing you see is Big Man, standing with Shiver and Frye. He was carrying a huge sign that says "HELLO Y/N!!"

You nervously take down your hood and wave a little.

Big Man gasps and runs over to you. Shiver and Frye were a bit shocked and had to follow him!

"Ay, ay? (Are you Y/N?)"

You give a simple nod. You were, in fact, Y/N-

Big Man drops the sign and immediately wraps you in a hug.

"Ay, ay!!! (It's so good to finally meet you in person!!!)"

You just nervously laugh and wrap your arms around Big Man.

Well as best as you can anyway

He decides to take you all around Splatsville!

ESPECIALLY BARNACLE & DIME.

You tried surface food for the first time...

And it was delicious.

"Ay? (How is it?)"

He then watches as you begin to eat more quickly.

He laughs. Not because it was weird, but because it was nice to see you enjoying yourself.

"Ay, ay! (I'll take that as good!)"

Sadly, your day had to come to an end. You went back to the station, where the train was waiting for you.

Big Man was there with you. He didn't want to see you go.

"Ay... ay? (Will I see you again... Y/N?)"

You look back at him. That's when you felt a feeling you hadn't felt in awhile.

You walked up to him, holding his fin with your hand.

"I will. I promise."

Big Man gasps... that was the first time you'd spoken.

You give a gentle smirk, and let go of his fin and board the train.

...Safe to say you both caught feelings for one another.

This wouldn't be the last time you would hang out with Big Man.

After all that searching...

You finally found that something you were looking for.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHEW!!! THIS WAS A RATHER LONG ONE, SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! THIS ONE WAS KIND OF, I JUST WENT ALONG AS I WROTE. KIND OF JUST LET MYSELF GO ON AUTOPILOT. BUT THIS WAS FUN TO WRITE!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR REQUEST :3

[icebrooding]

STORY! THOUGHTS! (along with meta/fractal)

In chronological order as I go through;

"You're damn right Nephus, let us go in, guns blazing!"

I think its so cute baby kryptis are 'broodlings'. The adventures are pretty fun!

Love noticing new dialogues on-map!!!

Nephus telling Peitha to get behind us and her instantly running out into combat is perfect. She will make good friends with Trahearne in my fic.

Chapter 18 fucking destroyed me??

Like ok. Eparch terrified of Mordremoth? Scary shit. When you're this big of a threat but there is still The Bigger Fish...

Snargle books existing in Nayos (via thievery) made me wheeze.

Looking up the stairs and seeing the kryptis standing up the sides of it was so Good visually smh.

I joked earlier: 'what if Zakiros is empty'. not like this..... never like this...........

Going in That Room actually made me feel so... upset. The whole time I was going around freeing the essences I was just 'this is distressing. this is so, so upsetting'. I felt so oddly cold.

My theory that Eparch slaughtering that village was done purely out of nature and not out of malice, confirm. But on that note...

I still feel like there is more to it. I still think Isgarren had done something to Eparch. There is still something SUPER missing here. Their dynamic is shady to the very end.

I need to do a writeup on how Eparch was actually a Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds, obviously :/ /s

The horn and then the kryptis all standing down made the hairs on my arms stand on end lmfao

Confirmation that Febe was one of the other House leaders! Man, Nephus really was the only surviving one, huh... I assume Aurkus died at some point, anyway.

ISGARREN COMING IN AT THE LAST MOMENT LETS GOO. You did not get Midgarsormr'd, you scrungly prune of a creature.

Something about Eparch calling Peitha a 'princess' and then so specifically 'my blood' just makes me wonder if he was really her father and not her uncle. IDK, just thoughts for my brain...... its probably not but i love Thinking

Eparch's entire last segment really does make me think he was the 'well-intentioned extremist' that got extremely lost/messed up along the way. With all the dialogue about Nayos being so hard to survive in and how resources are so scarce... Eugh. He was a power-hungry tyrant who did such horrible things but the memories from his PoV give him extra depth that I can feel sympathy toward.

I feel like I need to write some kind of Commander/Nephus/Zantharon fic.

So many fic ideas. SO MANY IDEAS FOR WILDFLOWERS HNGH.

and since i just did the meta-

SPIDER EPARCH REAL. I WANTED SO BAD FOR HIM TO HAVE A FUCKED UP SPIDER FORM. YES.

FRACTAL!

GOD FUCKING WOW I CANT BELIEVE THE SAME DUDE THAT KILLED ISGARREN'S GF ALMOST KILLED HIM TOO :)))

deimos/cerus fight was a whew as a 3man team. i love the constant chaos of their mechanics all going off and giving me trauma like you'd never believe! oil! OIL! OIL!!!

eparch.... hah. that was not gonna happen lmfao. need to get our resident Fourth Man and then I think we'll be okay tho.

[skellymom]

hello, i noticed you have "elder goth" written in your bio and im like. an infant bat. do you have any tips on anything (music, makeup, clothing, ect?

(srry if this sounds awkward, im just a very nervous person)

Whew! I DIDN'T FORGET YOU!!! It was an INSANE weekend at work...and I'm burnt. Plus, I like to write my fics and answer asks at my desktop computer and not my phone (fat fingers are clumsy).

Ahem...ok for the Goth Thing:

It's really just about the music. That's it. I mean SO MUCH has evolved and developed since the first wave of that "genre" music appeared on the scene back in the 1970's (Post Punk) underground. Even some bands labeled as Goth now didn't see themselves as such back in the day.

This next list has a lot of good Goth music, with some songs not necessarily in that genre, but close enough that MANY in the community love them. And, some of them showed up before the movement even started (a few after to help with it's evolution), but definitely helped to establish the genre later on (ahem...David Bowie). Btw Marilyn Manson is NOT Goth. However, a LOT of us still love his music as it fits with our dark aesthetic...and remember when I mentioned David Bowie? Well, I am quite sure he helped inspired Marilyn Manson. His Mechanical Animals album certainly looks as it was influenced by Bowie. But, I digress, again... This is just a start on your musical journey...a stepping stone.

People will tell you that if you don't dress or present physically a certain way that you aren't Goth. NOPE. You can dress dark and spooky and edgy but not be Goth. You can dress like a pink princess or "normie" and be Goth at heart. When us older Children of the Night were coming up we did a LOT of DIY (do it yourself) and wore a lot of things you might not consider even Goth. There wasn't the depth, breadth, and easy access of things available on the market like today. We were poor, felt different, non conformist, and just looking for community. That's another hallmark of being a Goth: community. Because back in the day someone might do a violence on you for looking weird (Wearing all black back in the day was seen as extremely socially deviant. ESPECIALLY in small town US or conservative UK/England. People literally were afraid of or hated us. Our brethren: The Punks, Rastafarians, Metal Heads, Rappers, New Wavers (prejudice was doubled if you were a person of color, a different sexuality/gender, poor, etc.) experienced the same thing in society. Then came along The Satanic Panic and OH SHIT what a pain in the ass that was! And The "Moral" Majority crap...) I digress: we were looking for people like us, BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE US. Just a bunch of nice, supportive people who got together to listen to music, dance, support the local bands/talent, and try to make it another day. You will find this in the FANDOM, LGBTQ+, and Communities of Color as well...and they overlap.

The presentation is secondary and up to you on how you want to look. You can do it up the max or just be simple in black. My favorite person from back in the day, who really doesn't specifically identify as Goth, but hung heavily in the scene back in the day: Neil Gaiman. The guy who gave us the character of Death from The Sandman Series, published as I was coming into my own Baby Bat phase (based on a real person named "Cinnamon"). Yeah...the character everyone aspires to look like (next to Siouxsie Sioux). He wears just plain black clothes and a long black coat. (Pic of him as a youngin')

Me, I go for "Lazy Goth". Everything black (even at work-black scrubs) with occasionally printed tee or a dark jewel toned piece of clothing. Usually I also mix in the Punk aesthetic too (I love the music and put patches on every damned thing). Punk is scruffy and imperfect, not fussy. I like comfort and ease of dressing. Especially in hot weather. And, I don't do a lot of face makeup, especially being older. Plus, I rather like my olive toned skin. Not every Goth needs to be pale. Google Goth People of Color. Beautiful and amazing looks.

Beware of Gatekeepers. Gothier Than Thou's. Don't let them crush your spirit. There is room in this subculture for everyone. If a particular club, group, or individual sets that tone, just move on. That shit ain't worth it.

Dropping a quote from my (sort of) GothFather creative Neil Gaiman:

"Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make. Good. Art."

This can also be read as the journey to "create" yourself. You are on a journey, my sweet Child of the Night. It will take a while to find your stride, whatever that is, and that's totally ok. Spread your bat wings and FLY!

Leaving you with one of my favorite songs:

[ms-moonlight-inn]

New Year's Ask Game for Fic Writers

Tagged by @mybrainismelted & @rayrayor to answer a few questions about the end of 2023 and beginning of 2024. Whew!

To close out 2023…

1) what fic did you have the most fun writing this year and why? Or, if you can’t decide, what was most fun about writing this year for you?

I had a ton of fun writing When You Call Unexpected with @gallavichgeek and All I Wanna Do with @notherenewjersey.

I always have fun writing with NJ, we're cut from the same cloth in so many ways.

Writing with GG was so much a pleasant surprise. I had no idea we were going to have so much in common & we ended up writing something so pretty.

2) what’s a scene/story that you finished and felt “wow, I really accomplished that, that actually went so well”?

This year, it was def' the one-shot I wrote for The Bear, Service Work. It's always fun to to write for a different fandom; it lets me flex my writing muscles a little. 

3) What helped provide the most inspiration for stories, if anything? Was it poetry? A song on repeat? A gorgeous gifset? A walk outside? A book you read that made you want to change everything? Whatever it was! Tell all.

Inspiration comes from the most random places. Books, songs, gifs, HCs, comments, fandom conversations... the list is endless.

4) What is something you want to share about what you’ve written this year? A particular line, a comment that made you feel really good, a scene that was difficult to write — you get to choose! What do you wish someone would ask you about when it comes to what you’ve written?

I think my favorite was when someone called WYCU "educational." It's right up there with all the times people have said things like, "I don't normally read XYZ, but this fic changed my mind." 😍🤩

And to start off 2024…

1) do you have any writing/creation goals for the year? What are they?

Yes, finish my WIPs.

2) is there a fic or idea that you’re really excited to be able to continue to work on in the new year (shout out to my fellow fic writing folks who take forever to finish wips, sometimes it’s nice to be able to continue working on something even if you wish you’d gotten it done! Now you get even MORE time with it!)

I'd really like to be able to finish The Caper with @notherenewjersey

3) What’s something new in your writing you want to try/are going to try? A different writing style? Different fandom? Darker works? Fluffier? Longer or shorter?

I'd love to try something truly dark. Maybe a whump.

4) what’s something you love about your own writing that you will continue to appreciate in the new year?

I love the part of my writing when I feel like the conductor of an orchestra, like all the little pieces are falling in line and bending to my will. (OK, I know that's cringe, whatever, I don't care.)

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 4 Rewatch Thoughts Pt. 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Ok Rain, you and I both know you didn't sleep through this honey

Phayu looks unconvinced as well lmao - do you see this eyebrow raise?

Slightly controversial opinion, but I actually love that I occasionally hear fabric rustling and other mic interference. It adds a messy and fun element to the scenes that make them feel more real to me. Here, we heard what is probably Phayu's shirt slide against the mic as he leans into Rain.

The first time I watched this, I had to pause and raise my eyebrows ngl. Supremely unprepared for this relatively simple sequence and in the end highkey felt like I got slapped in the face (but in a funny way).

Boss looks so intense and good here

Taking it from the top

down

down

down

(including this shot bc wow Boss has big hands)

and...

(we just got to the halfway point y'all... whew)

I've never heard of this seduction technique before. Phayu, you might be the only one this works on (I feel seduced but not in a sexy way, more like if I was a cat I'd make biscuits on Rain's tummy)

I don't have a whole lot of commentary on this part aside from they're both adorable and I love the way Phayu likes to drag Rain physically closer to him whenever they talk. I think physical touch is really important to Phayu and I love how Rain basically preens under the attention every time Phayu touches him

I have literally seen this 12 times. Every time I'm like OMFG THEY ARE ABOUT TO KISSSSSSSS

But NO, freaking P' Saifah couldn't wait outside for one more minute. At least he has the decency to give them a countdown do-over. Phayu looks like he considering the merits of ending his twin while Rain is just distressed. I love how they framed these shots of P' Saifah with his body physically dividing the screen between Phayu and Rain's faces which are blurry in the background. This drama uses physical blocking very creatively in my opinion.

P' Saifah I'm going to reach through the nth dimension just to SHAKE YOU I mean seriously how could you not see Phayu and Rain were having a MOMENT

But it does lead to this stellar headpat so I'm not too mad (the 7th one in the series, if I'm not mistaken), plus Rain's praise kink gets activated (seriously, just watch him reminisce about the headpat that just happened)

AHHHH Rain looks SO HAPPY to see that Phayu wrote him a lil note and helped him out - I mean it's no wonder Phayu would bend over backwards just to put that expression on Rain's face from here on out

Including this shot to praise the lighting directors bc it's beautiful, as is our hard at work Rain

I think it could have been really cool if they had Rain use his lucky triangle ruler thing (that Phayu gave him) here, bc that would have been an extra layer of symbolism. I think if they were going to include it as a serendipitous plot point, it would have been better to introduce it this way rather than stick it in a glass case.

GOOD WORK BBY!!! Your reward comes later though

AND the first thing he thinks of after is...

LOOK at him being a responsible student! He's only got two left and then he's doneeeeee (unlike me, I still have so much to do lmao and yet here I am) - (OK I wrote this earlier part two days ago and at the time of writing this sentence I am DONEEE so me *join hands emoji* Rain: done with finals)

My plans for the next 48 hours:

Except this boy gets revived at the thought of seeing his pseudo-bf and runs immediately bolts out of bed 2 seconds later. Ngl if I had a Phayu I'd probably do the same, but since I'm a single pringle it's just me and my clean sheets

Ok, now where have we seen almost this exact color combo before?? Mayhaps you can scroll up a couple pictures...

Basically, I think this is the production crew's way of telling you Rain's about to get smooched by Phayu. Also Rain's changed clothes from the previous scene so he really cleaned up to go to the garage awww

I love that Rain tells himself he should be using this time to sleep, then shrugs at himself and goes to Phayu anyway. Priorities, priorities

Yay, P' Saifah is here to guide Rain to Phayu!! The in-laws are getting a lot of interaction these days hehe. Also look at how eager Rain looks here - full on puppy mode (I met a cockapoo puppy named Molly today so I know my comparison is accurate)

I like that P' Saifah is talking Phayu up to Rain - not that Rain needs any more convincing that Phayu is the coolest mechanic ever. It's the thought that counts though.

For some reason, this shot of Rain and this shot of Phayu make me laugh. Rain's just standing there like some guy when we all know he's thee guy and Phayu is making the "this is so sus" face

The interaction between the three of them right after is so funnyyy - my favorite part is P' Saifah calling his big bro out - this is prime younger sibling behavior. Also Phayu pretending to be a grump - he's just kiss deprived is all (that problem is about to be solved tho)

I also like how I though Rain was going to be the possessive one but Phayu is out here with raised hackles even though P' Saifah is just being friendly to press his buttons (again, prime little sibling behavior). Please observe how pleased Rain looks about this though!

Me + P' Saifah: Phayu you're a SIMP

Ok I like that they included this shot of PhayuRain for no discernable reason (bc it cuts to them walking over to the other part of the garage right after it) other than to show us Phayu looking at Rain fondly with his eyebrows raised

I also love how Rain immediately reports that his work is done (likely so he could get praised) but then Phayu counters with "did you sleep?" to which the answer is no. Rain's like "ahhh we can't win with this one uff" (don't worry bff, your reward is en route)

On to part 4!! I'm hoping it's the last one or none of you are gonna want to read it (this is a lie, there are 5 parts bc I have no self control when it comes to taking screenshots of PhayuRain)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

[thegeminisage]

it's time for. SIIIGH. a star trek update. on ummm feb 20 or whatever we did tng's "aquiel" and ds9's "q-less" (SIGH) and i didn't write an update because i was not very excited about those. and then we paused for a week to do natla. and then last night we did tng's "face of the enemy." ok.

aquiel (tng):

what's weird is that of the two episodes we watched that evening i actually did like this one better

that said it DID involve geordi being a little bit of a creep to the not-so-dead-girl though. when he brings up a fact about her he should not know it's JUST like leah brahams. granted it was actually his job this time to watch her diary and he SUPER thought she was dead but still. can you not open with that

i did like geordi taking his visor off though it's always cool when he gets to do that

i knew from the beginning something was Up with the dog but i didnt EXPECT THE DOG TO BE EVIL..................tng writers that is just heartless. not only is the real dog dead but the fake dog got killed too. you killed the dog twice. are you happy? do you feel proud of yourself? i fucking hate this show actually

nevermind idr anything else about this episode and i have now stopped caring

q-less (ds9):

i only found q tolerable ONE TIME. ONE TIME i found him tolerable and that was when he was drooling over picard who did not want to fuck him and it was the funniest thing i'd ever seen and every day i beg them to do it agaiun but they won't. you know who's not in ds9? picard! so get q out of here!!

this felt way too much like a tng episode for my tastes. i decided i don't like that chocolate in that peanut butter.

vash hot though. whew! you slap some crow's feet on a woman and i swoon instantly

vash rubbing ferengi ears like lwaxana troi made me have ptsd flashbacks to the episode with the ha ha funny rape. no fucking thank you

honestly, does sisko need to be dealing with picard's past lays and guy who wishes he could be a present lay? picard killed his wife. give the man a break

that said i DO think q and vash were fucking purely because that's as close as q can get to fucking picard. disgusting.

anyway 0/10 except for vash's wrinkles

face of the enemy (tng):

THEY MENTIONED SPOCK IN THIS EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! boy i sure sat up straight fast

deanna racefaking as a romulan AGAINST HER WILL...could they not have just asked. could they not have asked like literally ANYBODY. like she was so underprepared. that said i loved that she actually got to do stuff

the fucking guy in this was tosk or whoever from ds9...he looked SO familiar but i feel like i know him from somewhere else too

my fav part of this ep besides the spock mentions of course was the fact that the romulan commander deanna was up against seemed like a genuinely good person who had been hurt by the empire. like deanna was very much the bad guy here. imagine if some starfleet bigwig took kirk's ship away and used it to kill 18 people, you know? the outside pov vibe was kind of a slay actually

kind of a bummer to do all this angsting about romulus and helping the defectors and everything when quite literally it's gonna blow up in like...what, less than 20 years now, right? yeah. i mean if a romulan had a baby right now that baby wouldn't even live to be old enough to drink. obviously they had no idea when they were making all this but it's THAT VERY FACT that kind of makes me fucking nuts. please smuggle more people out of there. get them out now while you can. but they don't know. and it's not dramatic irony that they don't know like in real life nobody making this KNOWS. AAAAAAA

TONIGHT: ds9's "dax" and tng's "tapestry."

[ruminate88]

How Emotional Abuse Affects You! ❤️‍🩹 Part 2. 11/20/24

I’m not afraid to let people see me as a mess… especially after being in toxic relationships and batting suicidal tendencies, I went through a lot of physical changes. I became allergic to a lot of makeup … I believe it was due to hormonal changes and imbalances in my nervous system because of being in survival mode for so long. I was losing hair and weight. I also went through a season where I was getting a lot of sores on my body!! 😳😳So I couldn’t have any pride whatsoever in my appearance. (I had to take Clorox baths! Yuck!!) Plus after my last toxic relationship and final suicide scare, I turned to God BIG TIME. I found myself drowning in the Bible suffocating myself with it because I was so desperate for “change” that I was hoping to be a good person again after all the toxicity I was in. I gave up ALL makeup and trying to look “attractive” was trying to kill out the old me completely!!

However, It almost felt like I gave up on my appearance completely because I truly felt ugly deep down, the way my exes brutally discarded me but I didn’t realize I felt that way at first. I mean, I got married and believed my husband accepted me yet did I accept myself? No… I did not accept me at all. I was pushing myself down and killing me.

I’ve battled with digestion issues that started right around covid in 2020… of course I blamed covid for my sudden weight loss and I also thought maybe I had an ulcer cuz after all, I went through a season of battling sores on my body. I treated myself as if I had an ulcer but symptoms kept returning off and on… So, I felt lost and confused at “what was wrong with me.” Not even aware of the emotional wounds I had or the fact I had been so numb so long. The disconnect was hurtful and unexplainable at the time too. Not until I learned what emotional abuse is, did I even begin to become self aware. The first year was 100% learning about what emotional abuse is…. I hadn’t even gotten to focus on me yet.

Then I went through a year of nothing but remembering what my exes did and said to me. Writing it all down and re-reading it a 100 times trying to make sense. Not even remembering all of it and feeling overwhelmed because I had 3 different toxic relationships to heal that I was aware of!!! (I talked to a lot of people over the years online) So the focus STILL wasn’t on me and why did I keep having stomach issues…. Why did I keep losing weight???

This year has been a grand mixture of learning what’s wrong with me, what my physical problems are (that I’m aware of) and still remembering stuff about my exes and wanting to talk about what happened. Also this year even started off with a traumatic experience that happened within my husband’s family so I’ve had to navigate that ON TOP of healing past trauma and dealing with my mom in law who was grieving the loss of a grand baby…. I mean… whew ❤️‍🩹

Understanding how my exes made me feel and made my body react, is helping me to physically heal but I’m not done yet. I know I’m getting through this healing journey but I’m still finding out things about me and the past. That’s ok too ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Taking it one day at a time!!

[anxiouspregnantlady]

24+5

Woah, hello. It's been a whole month! P was out of school and we were scrambling every day to work + parent full time, but thankfully she has been back for a full week now and life is pretty good.

I've officially passed viability, yay!!

I am feeling overall pretty good!

Main updates:

Tailbone pain has started

Headaches sometimes, dizzy sometimes still

I think my climbing shoes feel tight? So, foot growth

Baby movements are quite big and fairly constant

Started feeling baby hiccup!

In terms of buying/acquiring things...I think we have all the big things (a car seat, a crib, newborn carrier, some bottle-type things) and I don't foresee any big items being needed in the next few months. Going back and forth on getting a separate pack n play, feel like baby can't possibly know the difference between a large crib and a small one?! Oh, nursing pillows - I don't have any. And I am waiting for my breastpump from insurance to arrive. And we need to set up the crib, planning to do that in... September.

Idk if it's my latent crunchiness or just nesting or plain old anxiety, but I feel very motivated to go plastic-free for as much of the feeding process as possible. Specifically trying to avoid warm/hot milk coming into contact with plastic. So...I'm going to try (TRY!) using mason jars for pumping and bottles ha ha hahahahahahaah i'm laughing at myself just typing this. But I really like the idea of using non-baby-specific stuff as much as possible. I want to protect myself from the BABY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX (call it Big Baby) as much as I can, and one way to do that is to just use non-baby items as baby items. Like.....changing a diaper on a towel. We will NOT be buying a changing pad. Also maybe I can just nurse with a normal pillow??? I do however want to prioritize my BODY and ERGONOMICS because I remember completely destroying my neck and back and hips and everything actually from constant breastfeeding and carrying and bending and all that. So I have spent a fortune on a hope and plum baby carrier which actually just arrived. It's a cross back soft structured carrier in natural materials. And maybe I will spend good money on an ~ergonomic~ nursing pillow. But. I am also trying my hardest to wait til AFTER the birth to buy all this stuff.

OK OK here are all my other crunchy aspirations... I am only keeping clothes that are made with natural materials 99% of the time. I want to make a lot of my own stuff, like bibs. We are all ready for cloth diapering round 2. I think I will lean away from purchasing playspaces/"baby" activities and adopt more of a follow-me-around-my-life type of approach. I was so anxious to entertain P all the time, and I now feel that that urge didn't serve me and perhaps didn't serve her. I didn't know at all how to regulate myself when she cried, and I was ballistic when she was ballistic, which was a lot of the time. I think I will (by necessity and also by a shift in philosophy) be more loosey goosey with the wake window type shit. I will not be logging my baby's feeds with an app, unless medically necessary for whatever reason, though I will probably write down times in a notebook.

So many things are different this time... for one, we have a car. This considerably opens up the world for me as a postpartum mama. We did have a car for a bit with P (borrowed), but we didn't have a parking permit for our area and had to park 15min walk away. Also, I had terrible anxiety about driving alone with P. I absolutely dreaded her crying alone in the backseat, and so I didn't go anywhere alone with her. Whew. No wonder why I felt miserable. We are much more well-acquainted with our neighborhood now, vs being quite new 3 years ago. And probably most significantly, WE HAVE PARENT FRIENDS!!!! OMG!!!!! That live 5-10ish min drive away. Also, her big sister will probably provide plenty of "entertainment", lol.

I think in lieu of buying a lot of stuff that - not gonna lie, I do feel the tug/impulse/advertising pressure to buy - I want to budget for regular massages.

I will NOT spend all my free time lurking Sleep Training Facebook pages (oh, i feel for my poor past self) or buying more things that promise to help my baby sleep. I will trust more in my baby's inherent ability to sleep. I would LOVE to continue engaging in my hobbies as much as possible - walks, sewing, climbing, pressure-free cooking, reading, watching TV. Basically, I am hoping very much that I will be more of a Person and less of a ball of anxiety.

I hope I will be more open to napping during the day. I remember I never napped with P. Maybe I didn't believe that I could, or felt anxious that it would be a waste of time.

Oops this turned into much more of a postpartum post than a pregnancy one...but honestly, pregnancy is quite uneventful right now. My next "thing" to do is do my glucose screening, which involves chugging 16oz of orange juice in under 5 minutes. Once I hit third trimester I will probably (but maybe not? shrug) be more in a birth and labor headspace. I have thought quite little about birth/labor tbh. And I kinda like it that way.

[peachinspiration]

This is my first day officially moved out and with a rented room in a friend’s house with my brother and I am so so terrified and paranoid, I don’t wanna fuck things up cuz I CANNOT go back with my parents, I’d rather kms. Like I have never felt this much real anxiety in a long time and I almost wanna cry but I’m not. I’m just so terrified. My tarot cards said the job I applied to will accept my brother and I, so I’m not so worried about that, but fuck man having to Uber to and back until we afford a car (after finally being able to complete drivers ed) is fucking terrifying to me idk.

I’m upset that I feel so paranoid and anxious, cuz I really thought when I moved out I’d feel freedom for the first time in forever, but no I’m fucking terrified help. But at least it shows me how much actual pain I need to overcome, cuz all of this feels like uhh ok so yk how it’s like when you get attacked and run you’re completely numbed out but when you finally find a resting spot all of it catches up at full force?? That’s how it feels rn. Except it’s like leaving a lifelong toxic home situation, I’m not used to it and I’m insanely antsy. I’m just really scared of fucking up.

I plan to apply for EBT and to check on the waitlist for me to get on adhd meds, and once hired I plan to hire a driver instructor since I still have nobody who can help otherwise. I sorta feel alone in this idk why, but I’m sure I’ll be ok. My cards told me to hear from others’ experiences of going through the same thing to help myself here and it’s right as usual.

Ok whew yea this feels good to write about cuz I finally feel myself calming down. I haven’t been able to actually journal write or anything in a long time and it’s just been choppy twt priv vents but yea again this is really therapeutic.

But ya idk I’m scared, but at the same time I know I’ll be okay deep down. Another thing I’m excited about is that with money saved up, I’ll be able to finally travel to see my bf without anyone stopping me :•) I’ll go to Chile without having to be interrogated about it or prevented from traveling there!! My brother said he may even wanna come with me. So I’m very excited about that. I’ll have to hurry up on my Spanish studies tho and begin to speedrun learning the Chilean dialect and accent haha thankfully I have my bf for that.

I think when I’m more settled in I’ll finally write that paragraph of educating to that one person I called out for being racist recently then block them after since I don’t wanna deal with anymore mess. It’s just too uncomfortable to deal with.

At the same time tho, life does feel super different. My past life feels very far away now, but now I’m stuck with all sorts of emotional baggage from it. It’s kinda making me realize how hurt and vulnerable I truly am from it. My older sister probably felt the same way when she was kicked out at 18. God I really don’t know what to expect. Maybe I’ll consult my cards about it since I have most of them with me now. I still have some things leftover back at the house but it’s ok. Maybe I’ll make myself a blessing jar.

I already miss my dog though. That’s a part that REALLY sucks cuz of how close we are to her. I miss her really badly and feel kinda sick over it :^( her mental health gets affected whenever my brother and/or I are separated from her and she’s also old and gonna be 14 sometime this year. I’m not worried about her passing on cuz she’s still very active and runs fast and has energy and still acts like a baby though. But man I want her so badly.

I’m terrified of appearing like a burden around here and I’m terrified of my friend or her parents hating me cuz I’m so used to people I live with hating on me in some way and treating me degradingly. I kinda wish I could just shut everything off for a moment and be somewhere timeless for as long as I want to let everything out then come back lolol like yk time stopping. I hope I make more friends. I’ve kinda gone through a huge irl friend purge in the recent years especially as I came to further terms about being trans. Also a lot of people turned out to be completely nuts now. Like how my childhood “best” friend slowly showed more and more abusive tendencies. First toward me and then toward everyone else, to the point of actually threatening lives all cuz this guy wouldn’t love her back.

Oh also wow crazy the moon is full in two days. Fun stuff I’d better prepare for it since I finally have the freedom to. I hope I have my lighter packed with me, I think I have my matches.

[celestianstars]

This was such a beautiful chapter!! Feels like my heart is being tugged but also mended at the same time! Your writing is just so addictive and I love how cozy this story has been! And now things are developing and I’m feeling sooo many things! 💞

The faces I made at Joel finding more things to fix! How you’d given him something to do, kinda sparked some drive and life back into him and the fact that he’s noticing you, looking at you, his thoughts a little more greedy about you…WHEW AS HE SHOULD!!

That was so good and I love how you gave us more of Joel being handy and competent cause it’s sooo sweet and almost hot af and the fact that he tells her she should get warm, wait inside and she tells him she’s gotta learn while he’s still here and he’s a bit caught off guard! Like ok Joel I see you getting comfy here! But then also him teaching her! How close they have to be to work on the generator and stuff, how you don’t mind the contact! I screamed!!!

I’d have folded immediately lol and I like how you mention that she has to focus on actually listening to what he’s saying and paying attention so she can learn it cause SAME like couldn’t be me I’d be sooo distracted

“An urge to tug at the knot around her waist with fingers stained with so much red.”

Ok this line goes so hard! The imagery I got gave me chills! Loveeee!

🥺 Oh my heart broke hearing her story. Aunt June and Danny, how she was heading home when the outbreak happened and didn’t ever end up making it, it’s almost worse the not knowing part and then the part about her partner, what happened, how she searched for him and just…nothing…that was so expertly written, I felt the weight of it all without knowing all the details and that speaks to your talent as a writer.This part punched me in the gut omg and I really love that she’s facing away from Joel and Ellie too, it centers her and what she’s been through, her sharing it in this way is significant and special

Joel finding her later and opening up, telling her about Tess in so many words, how they’re acknowledging each other’s pain here, oh!! Such a bittersweet moment of like wow I know what it’s like to lose someone like that and here I am getting close to you now, I just enjoyed how you included that!

This is so long I’m so sorry and I think I’m jumping all over the place but truly there are so many little details here that make my heart ache and you capture the mood so well, how things are just hitting her extra hard, and so smart knowing Joel’s question if she’s okay probably came from Ellie being like dude, don’t just stare at her!! and knowing she’s worried about her as well. Also love how you included her and Ellie laughing together, having their moments together too! Their dialogue! It’s just so great!

Adoring how both her and Joel are rusty at things, they’re interested in each other but it’s been so long for both of them and it’s just so endearing seeing them stumble through it! How they both don’t think the other would really want them or be interested and Joel’s “ah fuck” moment like SIR GO GET YOUR GIRL PLEASE SHE THINKS YOU DONT WANT HER!

I actually had to physically contain myself when he knocks on her door I swear to you lmao and his confirmation that he is interested with his “maybe I’m not the only fool” oop! 👀 things are about to pop offf and they did! That was insanely hot and I am such a fan of how you write in general but your smut is so good and always leaves me feeling like 🤯 in the best way! I AM OBSESSED WITH HOW JOEL HANDLES HER

All the praise, his “sweet fucking mouth” “good girl” “so good to me” “come on, sweetheart” oh my goddd yeah I’d be so weak for him and I love how the physical connection unfolds here! So yummy! My brain is mush and it’s made even better by the fact that she says he doesn’t have to do this again with her that she doesn’t want him to think it’s payment because it isn’t, not with something this intimate and special and at first she thinks he’s gonna leave but he gets comfortable in bed…(like I said earlier! mf is already comfy in her space) and then comes back the next night too! SOFT AND TURNED ON RN AHH LOL!

This was perfect and I love this little series so much! ❤️ Your mind!!! Love you, J! @eupheme

IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE | part iii: these short winter hours

[masterlist]

joel miller x f!reader

Rated E - 8k

Tags - brief canon-divergence, reader is mid/late 30s+, multiple pov, canon-typical violence, mentions of death and killing, found family, mentions of anxiety & grounding, angst, trauma bonding, soft!dom joel, kissing, oral sex (m receiving), fingering, unprotected PiV, pulling out

In the days that pass, something lingers. Looks turning longer, something unspoken in the way you circle each other.

You wonder, if you would reach out and touch it - what would happen?

After the window, comes more.

You find him poking around, letting his hands wander rather than keeping them close. Jammed deep into his pockets.

Checking the other windows for drafts. Peering up the chimney, looking at the pipes under the sink.

It's like that night had knocked something loose. Given him something to do.

Noticing the drip in the shared bathroom, the small one off the hall. A spot where the ceiling has cracked - the wood stained from years of melted snow, dripping through. Beneath a part of the roof had broken off some years ago, rotting with age.

Most of the time you tuck a cooking pot beneath it. There’s not much more you can do.

But he finds it.

And you find him, balanced on a rickety chair, looking closely at the seams of the wooden ceiling. Fingers tracing along it, trying to find where the wood is weak.

And you’re trying not to look where his shirt rides up. The peek of skin above the waistline of his jeans. The edge of a pink scar near his abdomen, slowly healing.

“You got a leak.” He tells you, as your eyes snap up.

As you shrug helplessly, “I know. It’s been there a while.”

There’s a bit of the sealant left he made for the window, in the days before. Not quite right for this job, but much like the glass - it’ll make do.

The space in the bathroom narrow - barely enough room for the chair, jammed between the toilet and the sink. Your hands holding the back steady as he reaches for the spot in the sloped ceiling.

Working together, in this small space.

Handing him the stuff he needs, as he patches up another wound in your home.

Making it just a little better, for you.

Still finding himself looking.

Unable to stop, now.

When you mention offhand that the generator sounded off the last time you used it - it's no time at all before you're crouching outside, lifting the metal cover so he can peer inside.

A flashlight aimed where he tells you, with the afternoon light already starting to go dim.

You have to lean into him to point where you had heard the sputtering, during the last bad storm. A hand jamming back into the pockets of your jacket to keep it warm.

It only takes him a few minutes of poking around to figure it out - going back into the barn to grab supplies.

"You should stay here, where it's warm." He tells you, an empty gas can tucked under his arm.

But you're already holding the door open, shaking your head, "I gotta learn this while I still have you. Won't be around forever, right?"

There's a long moment, as he looks at you. Before he's nodding, almost as if he had forgotten.

"Right."

Just like before, he explains everything patiently. As you watch, directing you where to point the light. Showing you where the leftover gas had separated, going bad when you had left it in there, instead of letting it run out.

Fingers brushing as you help him drain it, his chin pressing against your shoulder to reach the valve, when he shoves the old can beneath. Hands soon grease-covered and cold, but you don't mind.

You've soon realized you liked this side of him. Coming out, over the past few days.

Almost protective.

Even if you have to focus to keep his smooth drawl from going right in one ear and out the other.

Unable to concentrate on anything other than his voice.

He tells you it's in okay shape. A hestiance to his words, but he does his best to scrub the carburetor clean with the supplies you've gathered for him. Watching as he inspects the fuel lines - anything else he notices.

The sun is low now, the temperature dropping. A chill makes you shiver, the clatter of teeth as they clench together.

"Almost done." He soothes, taking a moment to fish the gloves out of his pockets.

Breathing into them to warm them, before fitting them over your hands. They're too big, but they are soft - the fleece wrapping around your aching, stiff fingers.

The smallest shift in his stance as he does. Nudging you a little closer to the generator, so his back takes the brunt of the icy wind.

"Better?" Joel asks, voice low and gruff.

You smile, unable to help it as you answer.

“Yes.”

———

The heavy closet door opens with a drawn-out creak. Your boot keeps it open as your eyes run over the shelves, looking for the extra pillows, blankets.

A thick snow has kept you inside for two days now. Falling heavily enough to block the front door from opening fully - keeping the three of you tucked inside.

The chill permeates the edges of the cabin, even with the kept fire. A worn quilt tucked under one arm as you gaze snags on a flash of faded color, just above eye level.

"Do you guys like board games?" You ask, from over your shoulder. Rummaging around, pushing some thread-bare towels to the side.

The cardboard boxes rattle with pieces as you pull them to the edge of the shelf, taking stock, "We got Guess Who, Boggle..."

"Do you have Aggravation?" Joel asks dryly, from where he's standing - looking out the window. All the valleys and dips smoothing out and disappearing - a white blanket of untouched snow. Something he does often, keeping watch.

Ellie's eyes are rolling, checking him with her hip as she comes to peer into the closet with you. The fruit-ripe thought of beating him at something too much of a temptation to pass up.

Drawn to two of them - Scrabble, and a kitschy monopoly variant. The Texan flag splashed across the cover, the box broken on one side. Both well-loved by the time they had arrived here.

You still remember the stories of how many of the things here were picked up at garage sales. Bringing in small glimpses of their lives before.

That feels fitting, now. Even they have ghosts.

You drop off the blankets you had been searching for - two in the guest room for Ellie. The longest for Joel, along with the pillow.

Wishing you could do more for him.

You've seen the hand that braces on his back the past few days. Sore from sitting for so long, for sleeping in a cramped space.

If you think he'd take you up on it, you'd trade places. Let him take your room for a while, let him stretch out.

But you're certain he'd never agree.

You can't pretend you haven't thought about alternatives as well. But god, you don't have the guts to ask that, either. Even if there was room enough for two.

Not right now, anyways. Not yet.

She totes the games to the table, letting them drop onto the wooden top. Folding herself into the chair as she glances expectantly at Joel, his final look out the window as he slides in next to her.

His eyes drag slowly over the box, before they flick up towards Ellie. She glances at him, the barest hint of hesitance mixing with the assurance of her posture.

"Thought you might like it." She tells him, as she flips the lid open.

There's a moment where you're not sure. His own emotions mixed across his face, as you try to make the connections.

His manners, when he felt like it. The drawl of his voice - the way he blinks at her, before nodding slowly.

He's from there, you realize. Texas, though you guess it's been a long time.

Joel gives her a small smile, one with fondness, "Might be nice to remember."

Missing the way his expression drops after, when she turns to give you a thumbs up.

Indulging in a painful memory for her, as he picks up the instructions - a low murmur as he starts to read through them.

She's snatching them out of his hand to read them aloud, as you start setting up the board.

Half the pieces missing, some of the metal tokens replaced with coins, a small toy dinosaur that she scoops up mid-sentence.

A chunk of the money replaced with ripped pieces of paper, the denominations hastily scribbled on them.

You don't know if you've ever sat down to actually play this. Remembering the box, for sure. The stories told, about how it arrived.

But never taking the time.

There hadn't seemed to be a moment for it, this brief breath of air.

Ellie's ill-concealed interest warms the room. All of you loosen with each round, as the stakes grow higher and higher.

Picking up more small things about them. How she's crafty - strategic.

Hiding her money under the board, so you never know how much she has. Only buying what she needs, skipping over the rest.

Joel buys everything, in an attempt to keep it from both of you. Even if it doesn't make sense, even if it's a bad move.

Rarely seeming to notice though, when she lands on his space. Feigning ignorance unless she draws attention to it.

But never seeming to miss it when it's your turn.

You catch on quickly. Playing fairly, though a softness sits in your chest as he tries to let her get ahead. Hoping she won't catch on, and she doesn’t. Too distracted by the lure of winning.

Finding yourself distracted, when his legs stretch out beneath the table. Bumping against yours when he shifts. Making you think about the afternoon with the window.

How close he had been, when he fit it back into place. When you had helped him hold it steady, hips digging into the kitchen counter.

His own pressing against yours, pinning you for the briefest second.

Thinking about it now, has your cheeks heating. It has you almost missing your turn, the dice clattering loudly against the table as you roll.

Forcing yourself back into the present, to this moment - as Ellie crows a crass “suck it!” when your token lands on a faded space that reads Blue Bell Ice Cream, her hand held out expectantly.

The paper peeled from your dwindling stack, handed over with a flourish.

The game continuing - the stakes increasing with each turn. Another two round passing, a roll where Joel owes almost more than he has.

You don't know where it comes from. Maybe your tongue loosens with the fun, a soft tease, as you tell him, "It's a good thing you went into contracting, and not real estate."

The look he gives you after - tongue poking into his cheek, as he shakes his head. A bitten back smile, as he tells you, “Can’t be good at everything, can I?”

It burrows in to your chest.

Another moment when he laughs at a lucky roll - and you think it's the best thing you've heard all day.

Tucking away the way he looks when he smiles - an expression that finds his face so rarely. Eyes that crinkle at the edges, the twitch of his lips as he tries to hold it back, before the sound bursts forth.

An afternoon, quickly passing. Almost feeling like before.

The gift of a day that you never thought you'd have, again.

———

He’s too warm. Crammed on the far edge of a sofa that certainly wasn’t built for three.

The quiet solace - a rare moment of silence in the cabin - interrupted with the door creaking open.

A swirl of snowflakes and a biting chill following them inside, with their stamping boots and ice-cold noses. Breaking through the layer of snow to check on Callus, coming back tired.

Shedding their thick layers - Ellie the first to squeeze on the couch, next to the fire. Coaxing her over with a pat to the spare cushion next to them.

A laugh, as she fits herself in. Near pressed shoulder-to-shoulder, an elbow digging into his side. A familiarity to it all, that makes his chest throb.

He moves - an arm draped across the back of the couch. Almost touching her shoulder, as Ellie gets more comfortable between them.

Laughter as they fell him about something funny that had happened outside - the look on the woman’s face as she had tripped over a snowbank - each recount more exaggerated.

The sound of their joy blending in the small space.

He envies her. He realizes that now.

How the encouragement comes so easily. Gentle and genuine and he sees the way Ellie soaks each one in. The words not bitten back, strangled and broken.

There’s so much held back. Thoughts that claw their way out of his mind, only to die on his tongue.

Almost choking him in Jackson, as he spilled his sins and fears to Tommy. He’s afraid that if he opens his mouth, he might do the same to her.

She doesn’t know him. The things he’s done. In the QZ - for Ellie - it didn’t matter. He would have done all of it, again.

But what would she think of him? The real him, not this twisted version of himself she’s come to know. Softened in a space where things felt like before, all of his sharp edges dulled. Leaving him on unsteady feet.

He’s never cared, before now. Hell of a time for his conscious to come knocking. The world has been grey for a long time, and his had been longer than that.

Because if he was a good man - likes he used to be - they would have left already. Not lingering, because he sees how happy Ellie is. How she feels safe, for the first time in months.

He certainly wouldn’t be spending the late night hours thinking, wondering.

About those small moments.

The feel of her against him - the way the woman seems to gravitate towards him, when they’re alone. When she doesn’t move away from their forced closeness, leaning into it instead.

Another that comes in the early morning, when his eyes open, finding her in the kitchen. A greediness in the way his gaze takes a second to linger. Over damp hair, her form wrapped in a robe, bare feet and legs beneath.

An urge to tug at the knot around her waist, with fingers stained with so much red. To see it open, unfurl. Soaking in the soft skin beneath - finding out if she’s untouched by the horrors. Or if she’s marked, like he is.

Seeing if her mouth would tip up to his. Parting, like her robe. Opening, for him.

He knows the way his name sounds - and it makes him wonder how it would sound broken on a moan. If it’s as pretty as her laughter, now.

If that look she gives him so very often has any truth behind it.

It’s wrong to think this way. Not after she’s invited them in. Given them a place to stay, the clothes off her back.

Because he’s sure of one thing - if she knew, she wouldn’t want him.

Not the way he wants her.

———

You stare up at the ceiling. Finding patterns in the knots in the wood, arms spread wide against the rug.

It’s late, the cabin smelling like white tea and sage from the candles you pulled out. Down to the good ones, the smells you’ve saved for last.

Ellie is on the floor beside you - finding you there when she comes out of the side room, hungry for dinner. Joining you silently, offering a handful of stale trail mix, the sounds of crunching filling the space.

You didn’t see Joel come in after, collecting firewood from the barn, but you heard the heavy sound of his feet. The stack of the logs, the creak as he fits himself into one of the wooden chairs.

If you lifted your head, you might catch where he hovers, near your ankles. But you don’t know if you have the energy today.

These bouts hitting you, as time passes. Moments where the weight of it all feels like too much. A tightness in your chest that aches, and you can’t reach in to soothe it.

Maybe it’s a strange way to calm yourself, but they don’t comment. As you count the beams overhead, along with your breaths.

Eventually, there’s the clearing of a throat. The words coming slowly, like he’s calming a wild animal, “You uh, doin’ okay down there?”

You can image the looks Ellie must have been throwing his way - not one to ask on his own accord.

It gets you moving, your head finally tilting their way. The unease on their features has guilt prickling down your spine, up your neck.

“Yeah.” You try a smile, but it’s weak, “The memories just get to me, sometimes. There’s so many in these walls.”

A wrinkle of your nose, then. Their attention making you shy, your hand waving in the air dismissively, “Sorry, you don’t want to hear about all that. I’m sure you’ve both have been through enough.”

There’s a glitter in Ellie’s eyes.

It’s one you recognize. So strange now, that living through the horrors can make you want to talk about it. An sickening urge to compare the shit you’ve seen.

Mine was worse than yours - or - at least what happened to me wasn’t that bad.

It’s almost comforting, making those connections.

“You can tell us.” She coaxes, as her head tilts.

You could be ready. Dancing around them and this place for the weeks that Joel and Ellie have been here. Her words prying at the box that you locked around your heart years ago.

Cracking it open.

You swallow, throat dry, before you nod. Going back to the grain of the wood, not wanting to look at them again just yet.

“I didn’t always live here. I was in school, college, during the outbreak. Had just gone back after the summer, but that day I had been heading back home. Someone close to me was having a hard time. You know how high school is. I wanted to make sure they were okay.”

These words are easy. They’re ones you’ve said before, almost rehearsed.

“I was on the road, when I heard all the sirens. It was awful. Nobody knew what was going on, and I'm still not sure how I made it out. But, I never made it home. It's hard not to wonder, you know?”

It’s rhetorical. Ellie would be too young to know what it had been like. You’re certain that Joel didn’t have to wonder, and that was the burden he carried with him every day.

Because if he hadn’t known, you think he’d still be out there.

“But, I made some friends after a while. Ran with them for a long time. Did some things I’m not proud of, but if it was them or us we always picked them.”

Casey, and Morgan. And him. His name still too raw a wound - anger and grief still blending.

A breath then, as you push through.

“My partner had family in this area, and remembered the old cabin. An aunt and uncle living off the grid. Almost blew our heads off when we arrived,” The memory of that night makes you smile.

Aunt June.

Danny.

That’s how they had introduced themselves - like they were already family - and it had stuck. Taking you into their home, making room where there wasn’t any.

Bringing dawn after years of darkness - you had never quite recovered from the fear and the horror.

But they had brought you as close as they could. They became the family you had needed.

“They let us stay. It was cramped, but it was good.”

Your words peter out. A brief reprieve - as if everything would stay just like that, if you didn’t continue.

“What happened to them?” Ellie’s voice breaks through the silence, voice hushed.

Unable to help asking, wanting to know how the story ended.

This part has only lived in your thoughts. Festering there, not knowing the sound of your spoken words.

Another breath, rattling in your chest. As you still lay on the floor, arms spread. Dissected by the memories, a prod to something painful as you begin the end.

“My partner was with me when it happened. Just the two of us. We were on watch one night, we used to walk the perimeter together. I'd watch one side, and he'd watch the other. Make sure everything was fine.”

It’s why you still walk it. Holding onto that last memory. Thinking you’ll see him, where you used to meet in the middle.

“There was... screaming. I'll never forget it.”

For a second, it feels like you’re there. The crunch of the leaves under your feet, as they had just started to fall. The lights that had seemed to glow so warmly from the cabin. Beckoning you back home.

“We rushed back, and they had torn each other apart. I think… I think Danny had gotten bit, when he had done a supply run the day before. Hadn't been sure, so he kept it quiet. The strong but silent type, you know?"

You say you think, because you can’t bear to go into the details. How you knew, because you had held Morgan in your arms, as they had tried to tell you. Tried to warn you. Not knowing it was too late.

Not knowing everyone had been bitten. Or was already near-gone, struck down during the attempt to stop him.

He had been a large man. Tall and strong - something that had used to make you feel safe.

It had made him unstoppable.

“We were the ones that had gone out, so we took all the best weapons with us. Never thought the danger was inside.”

There’s a tightness in your throat that has you stumbling over the words. Still blaming yourself, after all this time.

The brush of something, at your ankle. A weight, pressing into the side of your foot. It’s not the same as a hand in yours, but it’s close enough.

“So we... dealt with them. Buried them all." There's a finality in the way you say the words. The part you can't take back, the one you can't wonder about, anymore. You knew how their story ended.

But there's still the last piece, one that hurt the most. One you still struggled with, even though a part deep down, knows.

"My partner wasn't the same, after that. It was awful, but for him - it was his family.” These are the words you choke on, your jaw gritting.

“A couple weeks went by, and one day, he went out. Told me they needed some time alone. Never came back.”

And that's where your life had stopped, for the second time. Already shattered after that night in the cabin. But when he left, time had stood still.

Ellie shifts, turning onto her side. Cheek pressing into the palm of her hand as she frowns, "Did you go looking for him?"

There's a sort of naivety to her question that tugs at you, slamming you back into the present. You turn over too - trying to smile, "Yeah. Combed over every inch of this place, for miles."

It was six years ago. Hanging open-ended - heavy. You've only somewhat to terms with it. Never talked about it out loud, until now.

"But sometimes, things just happen. It's fine. I'm sure you know." You hedge, feeling strange and empty after your long confession. Perhaps better than before, when you were lost.

Though you fear the pity that might come after, not wanting it. Trying to defect, now - grasping for anything. Spying the box, still left out, "Are you from Texas too, Ellie?"

"What do you reckon'?" She grins, in an exaggerated version of Joel's drawl.

It's unexpected, making you laugh. The breath of fresh air you needed. Relieved, that your horrors hadn’t harmed her.

Sad, in a way, that they had not. If it meant that hers were worse. That makes your throat feel the tightest of all.

"Boston," She clarifies, "They have a QZ there."

"Boston? Holy shit." Your voice pitches up. It feels like a world away, "Is that where you left from?"

It’s the perfect opening.

The distraction not even intentional - because the thought of being in a place so far from your own is so incredibly fascinating,

"Did you come from there?" The questions bubble up, now that the door is open, "What is a QZ like?"

Ellie's eyes roll, as she pushes herself up, "They sound great but it's like living in hell."

As she fills you in, about her classes. About how she was going to end up as just another officer - about the ration cards, the curfew. How bad things were, in the end.

How they’d had to sneak out, to leave.

Then, about the one they had been to in KC.

How they had gotten blocked, had to go around. Winding up downtown, lost in a town that had revolted - driving FEDRA out. 

“You should have seen it! This guy was calling for help, but Joel knew it was a trap and just blew right by him." Her admiration shines in her eyes, to his embarrassment.

"That's where we met-"

Something catches her then, the words running out. Joel's face turning worried, his eyes flickering from yours to hers.

Your own bouncing around the room again, landing on the table this time. Pushing yourself up, as you smile.

"I'm getting hungry. How about you kick Joel's ass at Scrabble again, and I'll start dinner?"

She blinks, coming back. Nodding automatically, before she's fully pulled from her own memories.

But she recovers more quickly than you, as she reaches for Joel's sleeve.

"Only if he doesn't try to pull that dumb shit again. Zwing isn't a word, Joel."

He doesn't protest, lets her pull him from the chair, "There ain't a websters here, you can't prove that."

Giving you a small smile, in thanks.

———

He finds you, later.

With words he couldn't share before. In the dim hallways, where you carry the candle. Checking the windows and doors before bed.

"Had a partner, like yours." He tells you, the shadows from the light highlighting the weariness in his face.

Golden light and deep, blue shadows, "Lost ‘em a little after we got started with Ellie."

Joel's jaw grits, a look you've come to know well. Eyes finally lifting to yours, "Think she took it hard. Didn't want to bring it up. But..."

But he knows. Knows what it's like. But he doesn't have to wonder, like you do. You can see that in his weariness, the sorrow that clings to him.

Still trying to protect Ellie. Remembering, because he’ll never forget - but trying to shield her.

But wanting to tell you. A small attempt at comfort.

"I'm sorry." You tell him.

He nods. Unable to say the words back.

But it's there. Wrapping around you like the shadows, as you blow out the light.

———

As more days pass, you don’t think you’re imagining it. Not anymore.

It’s been a long time, but it’s not like you’ve forgotten. The world has changed - but he’s from before, like you.

Some things still lingering. Long looks, his eyes already on you, when your find his.

It’s a bad idea, you know that. You can’t afford to get attached, any more than you already are.

But the small stolen moments of joy these past few weeks warm you, making you bold. Reading deep into the way he’s started to stand so close.

A hand on the small of your back, when he passes you in the kitchen. A smile, that seems to come just a tiny bit easier.

It doesn’t have to mean anything.

You know it can’t - it won’t.

But you still can’t help thinking about it. Acting on that budding attraction - finding out what it would be like to not be so lonely at night. To find out what it would really be like to touch him, the way your fingers have been aching.

Daydreaming about a way to find out. One that wouldn’t make him uncomfortable - one that he could brush off, that you could explain - if you had read things wrong.

Even if you don’t think you have.

An opportunity finds you, as you find him. Standing alone in the kitchen, a small pot of water boiling. Watching his profile as he stares out the window - looking at the blanket of stars above the tall, snow-covered trees.

Splitting it silently between two mugs, just enough of your instant coffee to pass as a treat. A smile, as you realize one is for you.

Another twinge at the way he seems to move so easily now. Dual-edged. Moving fluidly because he’s healing. Knowing where stuff is because he’s become accustomed to where you keep things.

Your time is ticking down. If not tonight, then when?

He hands you a mug - the one you always drink from. Leaning against the counter as he glances where Ellie sleeps solidly and deeply on the couch, an old comic book laying beneath her outstretched hand.

You smile as you watch her, before taking a sip. A deep sigh, as your hands wrap around, warming them.

The words coming easily, tonight.

“You’ve done a lot of hard work around here.” Your voice is soft and low, and his gaze drags your way, “Was wondering if you’d let me thank you properly?”

A gentle verbal prod, as your hip bumps against his. Where he stays, letting you lean into him.

His eyes dark, in the dim light. A moment where his lips press together, a short inhale of breath, “Think we’re just about square. Seein’ as you’ve been keepin’ us, and all.”

Ah.

Maybe you have been wrong, after all.

A long moment, as your brows furrow. As your smile turns small, your voice even smaller.

“Suppose you’re right. It was silly of me to offer.”

Feeling stupid, as you bring the cup to your mouth. Downing most of it in a long sip - not wanting to waste it. Not wanting to linger in your rejection.

The mug clatters a little too loudly in the sink - the thoughts already running through your mind.

Telling you that you ruined a nice thing - a urge to get out of there, and lick your wounds.

“Thank you.” You manage, unable to meet his eye.

“Goodnight, Joel.”

Leaving him in the moonlight, as you retreat.

———

It’s late.

He’s pacing, left wondering. Unable to sleep, feeling like he missed something.

Going over her words, that bright expression that had turned so dull.

Had he missed something, while he had been admiring? Too lost in the slow sweep of his eyes?

Thrown by her question - an urge to convince her that she’s done more than enough. That she’s been too good to them already.

That his help didn’t scratch the surface.

Going back to her words, again. A jolt in his stomach as he remembers how - for a second - he had thought there was another layer to her words.

Hidden in her expression, soft and hopeful.

Certain he was wrong.

His feet slowing, as he realizes.

Ah, fuck.

———

It’s after midnight, when you hear the knock. Just a short rap of knuckles - you almost miss it. Pulling you from a half-sleep, just drifting off.

You definitely weren’t waiting. Secretly hoping.

That would be silly, right?

Scrubbing a hand over your face as you pad out of bed, opening the door. Your heart swooping into your stomach when you see him standing there, shoulder leaning against the frame.

An expression you’ve never seen on his face.

Apprehension?

“Joel.” You blink up as him, his name coming as a soft gasp. A moment, before you offer, “Do you want to come in?”

He follows slowly, hands jamming into the pockets of his jeans after pulling the door shut behind him. Still fully dressed - his eye sweeping around the room before they land on you.

Cutting right to the chase, by a man not used to mincing words.

“Been a long time, since someone asked me somethin’ like that.” He rasps, “Almost didn’t catch it. You must think I’m a damn fool.”

Your teeth sink into your lip, as a relief floods though you - as you hold back a smile. Hope seeming to ignite, in the form of a small flame in your belly.

“I thought you weren’t interested.” You confess, with a shrug, “Which… I understand. Really.”

There’s a change in his expression then. Flickering to surprise, the slight raise of his eyebrows, the curve of his mouth as his head tilts.

“Maybe I ain’t the only fool here, then.”

The pitter-patter of your heart jumps, turning into a thrumming beat. A hitch in your breath as you look at each other, slowly considering.

You haven’t done this before. Suggested it - asked for it. Not sure how to begin, when it wasn’t desperate fumbling in the dark.

“You thinkin’ twice about thankin’ me?” He asks with a frown - and you’re shaking your head.

Embarrassed, as you tell him, “No. Not at all.”

He takes a step forward, hands sliding from his pockets. Palms open, hanging at his sides.

“Then why don’t you show me what you were thinkin’.”

He’s kinder than you were expecting. You had thought it would be all rough edges. But here he is, the sharpness tempered by your weeks of patience, an echo of the hand that held his - that brushed the hair from a fevered forehead.

Or maybe in a way, he’s just as lost as you are. That first attempt at moving forward, after a memory that still lingers.

His own patience soothes you. Your words becoming unstuck, “You sure about this?”

“You’re the one that asked me, darlin’.” He husks. The name shoots straight to your cunt, already throbbing.

“Right,” you breathe. A lick of confidence coming back.

Fingers curl around a thick wrist, and he comes willingly. Letting you tug - the echo of his steps following yours as you bring him to the edge of the bed.

Hands pressing against shoulders, his eyes focused on yours as you push him back, towards the headboard.

Until he’s resting among your pillows, and you’re folding yourself in, next to him. The edge of your nightgown pulling up over your thighs, a gape in the neckline as you curve over him.

One that his eyes follow, lingering.

He’s in your bed. Filling a space that’s felt too big for years. Watching you expectantly, with heavy, half-lidded eyes.

“Anything you don’t like?” You ask, stalling for a moment. Nervous now, that you have him.

“No.”

That makes you smile, gets you to finally reach out. Fingers starting at his waist, trailing up the row of buttons. Tugging the first through the hole, exposing an inch of white undershirt. And then another.

The way his chest expands under your touch, his lips parting with his breath, makes you brave. Makes you want.

Your words come out low, almost a whisper, “Can I kiss you?”

A moment, as he swallows. Throat bobbing, before he nods. A short jerk, like he always does.

“Yes.”

You start there. His chin dipping, but you’re ducking down. Lips pressing against the warm skin of his neck - feeling the muscles beneath flex.

Tasting the sweat and salt of his skin. The soft sound in his throat as you do it again, brushing against the peppered-gray scruff as you move towards his throat.

Hands - broad, scarred ones - find your hips. Biting into skin and fabric, gripping on. A tug pulls you sideways, a choked gasp caught in your throat as he hauls you across his own.

Straddling him now. The fingers ruck up the hem of your nightgown up to the soft curve where your thighs meet your hips.

It’s old, faded. A cheap, pink satin - the straps thin, the edges lined with lace. Worn in case he showed, in case he changed his mind. - wanting to look pretty, for him.

A small luxury, tucked away until tonight.

The pace of your own fingers quicken. An impatient yank to tug the hem from where it’s tucked into his jeans. While his sweep over your skin, grabbing onto the curve of your ass.

Your eyes lift, gaze needy. A shift of your hips as your thighs spread wider. Nudging you against the curve in his jeans, as you tug at the buckle on his belt to pull it free.

The ghost of your mouth against his, testing. His teeth grit, a jerk of his chin until his lips finally meet yours. Slotting together at last, your own parting for the tongue that brushes across your lip.

Your eyes flutter shut as you rock down against him - easing some of the building ache as you grind against the thickening curve of his cock.

Leaning into the messy kiss, a hand leaving your hip to wrap around the back of your neck as he deepens it. Unable to help the whine that flutters in your throat then, the rough sound as it escapes.

He pulls back to hush you, a thumb brushing against your lips. A furrow in his brow as you nod - pulling back from his touch as you pop the button on his jeans, tug at the zipper.

Shifting down, between legs that inch apart. Your mouth inching hurriedly down his chest, over the soft curve of his stomach. The muscles flexing beneath, as your fingers hover, gripping denim-covered thighs.

Joel’s hips lifting as you tug down his jeans, hesitating when his boxers beneath are revealed. His gaze intense, when you look up - his shirt hanging open. That peek of skin again, between the waistband and the pushed-up hem of his undershirt.

A dark trail of hair, one your eyes follow as you shift further back. Settling between his knees as your head dips once more.

Lips pressing against the fabric where it’s pulled taut and tented. A hiss between clenched teeth as your mouth brushes against his clothed cock.

His fingers fist in the sheets, his hips flexing.

“Fuck.” Joel grits out, and your eyes flip up.

Watching as you do it again - before his hands are pushing down that last layer. Freeing himself, the thick curve of his cock coming to rest against his stomach as he shifts.

He’s pretty, and big. The grey in his beard only dusts the coarse, dark curls at the base. Smooth velvet skin that you trace with your tongue, up to the flushed, gleaming tip.

“Sweet fucking mouth.” He breathes, before his fingers are hovering. Unable to help brushing a knuckle across your cheek as you finally take him.

Your eyes closing as you sink down, over the head. Pushing him over your tongue and towards your throat as you suck.

A curse sliding through clenched teeth as you take him deep. A calmness settling over your mind as you find a rhythm, your hand wrapping around. Stroking swollen flesh soaked with your spit.

The thudding between your thighs making you squirm, eyes opening to find him staring - unable to help the little flex of his hips when you try to take him into your throat. Unable to fit all of him, but you try.

“This all you thought about?” He manages, the words sounding strained, “Suckin’ me off?”

You slow, as you think. Pulling away from him, as your head shakes - still embarrassed, as you admit, “I thought about more.”

“Tell me.” There’s an edge to his voice, a command.

“I thought about-“ You tongue peeks out to drag over him again, your fist following. A squeeze of your fingers that has him bucking into your hand again, “A lot of things. Mostly about you taking me.”

The look he gives you is dark, a flash of tongue between his teeth. A throb of his cock in your grip as you stroke him again.

“You think about me fuckin’ you?”

“God, yes.” The word is drawn out - the confession almost freeing.

You had been thinking about that. Finding bliss in the feeling of his mouth against yours. A curiosity sated as he filled your mouth - but still left you wondering.

His fingers find yours, easing himself from your grip. Thumb brushing against your knuckles as he pushes himself up, towards you.

“Turn around.” He rasps, and you’re listening without thought.

An ache and a need as you face the curved wooden footboard, your hands curling around it for balance.

The mattress shifting with his weight as he kicks off his boxers and jeans, leaving them to tangle on the floor. His olive green flannel and undershirt joining them.

Hands smoothing over your thighs, under the curve of your nightgown. Catching on the waistband of your underwear, as he tugs them down.

You feel bare, though the gown still covers your stomach, your chest. Trying not to think about what he sees - the peek of your center, where you gleam for him.

Wet and aching, from sucking his cock. From seeing the desire in his eyes, how he watched you. From weeks of wanting.

A low, rough groan as his hands find the curves of your ass. A tug as he spreads you open, one leaving your skin so his fingers can trace your opening.

“Let me get you ready.”

Grateful for the press of his finger, as it sinks into you. The feeling strange after so much time, until he starts to pump, hand twisting so his thumb slides down. A bump against your clit that has your muscles going taut.

A hushed moan, in the darkness.

A whimper, as your fingers find the straps of your nightgown - easing them from your shoulders. Inches of bare skin coming into view as the material settles around your waist - the hand still on your ass coming to cup your bare skin.

A thumb brushing a pebbled nipple, as he fits another finger into you. Leaving you a mess already, head hanging between your shoulder blades.

“Please,” you grit, rocking back to meet his fingers.

A low huff - close to a laugh. His fingers pressing deep, the sound loud and wet in the quiet room. Your cheek burning at the noise, at how much you need him.

But slowly, he eases from you. Slicking himself up with your arousal, a hand on your hip as his cock slides against your slit.

The hand smoothing over skin, his words coming softly, “Relax for me.”

His words have you breathing again - holding it in without thought. A tightness of your muscles in anticipation.

The tip sinking into you as the tension eases. But it immediately has you clenching down, gripping him as your cunt makes room for him.

His breath short and harsh, a small thrust, and then another. Sinking deeper each time - until his hips are snug against your ass, pressed balls deep.

It leaves you feeling full. A stretch that you remember, though the memory feels so muted.

It’s intense - almost too much - as he starts slowly. Finding a rhythm, picking up speed.

Abandoning the gentle pace, once you start to rock back. Once you finally let go.

He’s not so soft after all. The patience that disguises his own need fading away, then. Too rough in the way he grips you, as if he’s forgotten how to touch.

Fingers biting into the flesh of your hip, the stretched-out sound of fabric ripping as his fist wraps in the bunched-up waist of your nightgown.

Using the leverage to tug you back, meeting each thrust of his hips. Punching the breath from your lungs, as your fingers curl in the sheets.

He’s so deep. Pulling back before seating himself to the hilt, dragging against a spot inside you that has you grateful for his grip.

Keeping your hips level, keeping you firmly in place to take and take.

Each stroke winding you up, the thoughts in your head slipping out of grasp. Leaving you fuzzy and needy, tightening around him.

His name, a chanted whisper.

Joel. Joel. Joel.

Trying to remember to stay quiet, though a whines slide through your teeth when a hand moves. Untangling from the fabric, curving around your hip.

His chest pressing against your back so he can reach between your thighs. Fingers finding where he splits you open, the tips wet as he presses against your clit.

You make a choked sound, as he shushes you again. Amused this time, his touch focused - listening to your breath until he figured out exactly what you like.

“That it?” He drawls, when your body strings tight.

So focused on how close you are that you’re not paying attention anymore - fingers clamped around the footboard.

You nod, the movement short and jerky.

“Tell me what you want.” His voice is low, his body shifting as he moves closer.

“I want to come.” The words come easily - desperately, “I’m so close.”

“Mm.” There’s the press of his lips against your shoulder, “Can you stay quiet, baby?”

You nod again.

“Then come for me.” He rasps, “Let me feel you.”

His fingers pressing just right - even without his words you think you’d be there. Teetering on the edge, chasing something that feels like it’s been simmering for weeks.

“Come on, sweetheart.”

It feels like it rips through you. Catching you by surprise with its intensity as your eyes close - face burying into the mattress.

The high whine muffled as your teeth sink into your forearm - biting down as the flash of pain is erased by the bright pulse of pleasure. Muting the cry that you can’t hold back.

Funny, how anywhere else - that bruise from the bite would condemn you. The marks on your skin a death sentence.

But here, in this room, it’s a reminder that you’re alive. Tightening around him as his hips move. Stroking himself deep with short, steady thrusts.

Fucking you through it, drawing out an orgasm stronger than one you’ve ever been able to give yourself.

Those fingers petting and stroking until you’re gasping - until it’s too much. Grasping at his hand, pressing it flush against you until the air comes back into your lungs.

“So goddamn pretty.” He breathes, a roughness to his words, his breath now.

His chest pressing into your back as he bends over you. Hand moving up, gripping onto your shoulder, fingers damp with your slick.

Keeping him close, hips flexing as he keeps up those short, quick thrusts. Breath warm against your neck as his nose brushes your cheek.

It’s close, intimate. Almost tender, if not for the way he clings to you. Holding you in place, each breath coming shorter, harsher.

His words mumbled, sliding from his lips to melt into your skin.

“Good girl.”

“So good to me. Fuck-”

There’s the pinch of his fingers, pressing into your skin. A muffled grunt as he shifts back, a fist wrapping around his cock as he pulls himself from you.

Leaving you empty, missing the heavy weight, as he kneels behind you. A hand flat against your back to keep you arched against the bed. Your ass high in the air as he fucks his fist, taking you in - greedy in the way his eyes trace your curve, down to the damp space between your thighs.

Finding his own release, seconds later.

He groans through gritted, clenched teeth. Watching how each stroke sends his spend across soft skin, until you’re painted with his release.

It’s a pretty sight, seeing you sticky and shining with him. Marked, for only him to see.

Standing unsteadily after, giving you a chance to finally admire him in the moonlight. The fluid way he moves, even here - as he wets a washcloth in the attached bathroom.

The bed dipping as he sits next to you, hands warm and comforting as he wipes himself away.

Silence settling, in these moments after. As your breaths finally slow, as the sharp pleasure fades to a hazy glow.

You’re curled on your side, facing the heavy, patterned curtains. More tired and sated than you’ve felt in years.

An urge to say something rising - wanting to offer, to clarify. A worry creeping in, making your heart hammers in your ribs.

Thinking that you'll already miss this - even though it only happened once.

“We don’t have to do this again, if you don’t want to.”

Only the rattle of the wind against the windows greets you, the smallest rustle of skin between the sheets.

"I just, - I don't want you to think you owe me, or anything like that. I know that’s how you see things." You roll over to look at him - trying to read his expression, “Not for… not for something like this.”

He blinks at you in the dim light. That fire in his eyes reduced to a slow, lazy smolder. Messy curls brushing against his forehead as he considers you. Eyes dropping from yours down to your mouth.

"Alright." He tells you as he shifts - and you think he's going to leave. A weight dropping in your stomach.

Instead, he gets more comfortable - curling on his side. A hand pressing at your hip, so you’re facing those curtains again - his chest pressing into your back.

Warm against you, when you drift off.

———

He comes back, the next night.

And again - the night after that.

Thank you so much for reading! 💕

[cozycreaturescorner]

here is what it is to live inside me:

i am always bursting at the seams

my emotions seem so much larger, so much greater than one could hope to fit in so small a man

as if all the gods in their realms stiched the long and varied history of human feeling into one tiny vessel

sealing and setting it onto the world

to master itself

or rip limb from limb with the force of the universe inside

[toweroftickles]

REIMAGINED TICKLING #4: The Shmorgasbord

A lot of times when I see a tickling scene in a movie or TV show, I imagine how fun it would be to see other characters in those same situations. You know, like "Oh I wanna see X character get tickled like that." So I thought I'd try writing a few drabbles where I'll take a famous tickle scene and reinterpret it with new characters in new settings.

This is Part 4 of an ongoing series…I had a bunch of ideas for shorter crossover scenes, so they’re all smashed together!

Rescuers Down Under/Kid Icarus

"WAHOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The warm spring wind whipped through Pit's locks. His foot carved a canyon slice into the top of a low-hanging downy cloud as he soared through the sky with the speed of a rollercoaster. But the Power of Flight wasn't giving lift to his own feeble wings. This time, Pit was instead dangling in the breeze, carried aloft by the arms of the newly-reborn Phoenix.

In its adult form, the flaming bird had once been much more gargantuan...just one of its mighty talons was bigger than Pit himself...but Pit liked this younger reincarnated version better. For one thing, it didn't try to eat or step on him. It was the perfect size to grasp the angel boy's biceps and airlift him across the sprawling human continent below.

What a rush!

"And unlike some of us, HE doesn't have a five-minute time limit." Viridi's snarky voice reverberated in between Pit's ears, descended from on high as if she were speaking right next to him. "Just imagine, if you came to work for the Forces of Nature instead..."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Palutena, Goddess of Light, uncharacteristically smarmy, butted in. "I'm sure my Captain would rather have five minutes of flight and MY wisdom at his disposal, than that overgrown turkey and YOURS."

"What?!"

"I-I'm perfectly happy with everything you both can do for me, Lady Palutena....Viridi..." Pit insisted, desperate to break the tension.

Unseen by either, Viridi rolled her eyes…and her giant new pet followed suit.

Suddenly, Pit gasped. A sharp claw stabbed at his belly, but it wasn't trying to tear him open. The Phoenix's digit was scratching his ribcage, in between and underneath the bones, pressing into him like he was a squeeze toy.

"HAA-Ha!! Heehee-Heehee-Hee!!! Pff! HngHng-HNG!!" Pit's voice cracked as he burst into loud, uncontrolled spasms. He flailed his desperate limbs around, kicking in all directions, and the Phoenix could barely maintain its grip on the squirmy centurion. He looked like a jumping bean having a seizure.

“Sheesh, what’s wrong with you?” Viridi scoffed.

“Oh, don’t mind him,” Palutena giggled, a knowing twinkle in her voice. “Pit’s very ticklish. Aren’t you, Pit?”

“AHH! *gasp* Hmhm-Hng!! Hee; n-hohohoheh! *heave* Ha-Huh…AH! You’re poking; you’re pohokihing!!” the hysterical angel boy squeaked. Tears were welling up in the corners of his eyes.

No! No no no stop! I'm gonna fall!!!

The Phoenix wouldn’t quit; its talon was jabbing into a soft spot above Pit’s liver, clawing up and down along his side, tracing circles around his belly button…the goddesses were laughing as they watched him gleefully wiggle…

It was only a few more moments before the tickling stopped, but to Pit, it felt like ages. He slumped over in the bird’s arms, struggling to catch his breath in the harsh wind. His tummy was sore.

“WHEW……whoooo….Ha….Ha-ha…”

"Heehee...awww, are you ok, little guy?"

Pit blushed. He'd gotten used to Palutena teasing him over the years, but it was always worse when someone like Viridi was around.

"Heh-Heh...whew...yeah; I don't want him to do that again though!"

"Well don't wiggle too much, or you'll end up flat as a pancake!" Viridi giggled smugly.

"Mmmm...pancakes...."

Few things could pull down Pit's chipper mood. Barrel rolls and aerial somersaults carried him on the wind and toward the sun, no longer besieged by Underworld forces...toward home, where breakfast awaited him.

It always felt good to fly.

Samurai Pizza Cats/Street Fighter

The noonday spring sun blazed proudly overhead. Sporting her green-and-orange summer vacation duds, Makoto looked like a lost Mario Brother (er, Sister). But she felt like a change. After all, this wasn't the usual Shadaloo-funded recruitment tourney with a massive prize pool and worldwide media coverage. This was a proper, no-holds barred, pure-cut street brawl...the only rules this time were "no biting" and "no dismemberment." Tons of combatants were trying out all new weapons, all new fighting styles...anything they could imagine. But Makoto? She was still determined to be just as great as Ryu in her own ways. Only her honor mattered.

Defiantly twisting her hat, she stamped her sneaker into the dusty marketplace street. A chalk ring was drawn around as the innumerable food stalls were pushed apart. A crowd of hundreds gathered to watch, and out of the teeming mass stepped a slightly more solidified mass...one named Rufus.

(“Waddled” may be more accurate than “stepped.”)

“Hey, Rufus! Whatcha hiding behind your back?” Makoto asked him, genuinely friendly as usual. “Don’t be shy; I’m sure you’ve got something awesome!” Her question, though, was met with something truly bizarre.

On the ends of Rufus’ hands were rubbery fake thumbs, easily longer than his other fingers, and so round they were almost teardrop-shaped.

“Rufus is fighting with an apparently all-new and ‘totally awesome’ style that he did not feel like disclosing to our governing body…I don’t know what the hell he’s doing, but I don’t think any of you will mind if I nap through this one, folks.” The fight’s announcer wasn’t even pretending to take that walrus-in-a-unitard seriously.

"Just you wait! Yeah! You’re cool, man, but I’m the best! That's right!"

Makoto stared awkwardly at the burly biker’s new prosthetics. Thumb-wrestling? Is he gonna try to squeeze my head like a tick?

Rufus was a doofus…(Huh; I should remember that one, she mentally noted), but he was also powerful. No time to drop her guard. She flexed her muscles in a vicious chop and readied a kokutsu dachi stance, tensed like a spring about to pop.

"Well whatever kinda new gimmicks you've picked up, my Rindo-kan karate is gonna tackle the challenge head-on!"

DING! The starting bell! The match was on!

Makoto immediately swung her leg out into a chest-high kick, but instead of guarding or leaping away (as she expected), Rufus grabbed her ankles and slammed her against the ground like she was a rag doll. It was too quick for her to retaliate…with an uncomfortable belching grunt, the bubble of muscly lard that was Rufus pounded Makoto into the dirt. His gut rolled over her thighs, trapping her face-down and immobile.

"Gahhhh, get off me! Fight fair!" Makoto yelped, clawing at the dirt.

"HA HA HA!" Rufus bellowed in triumph. "You are the first, and like, only, to fall victim to..." he whipped out his enormous rubber thumbs..."RUFUS' TWO-FINGER EXPLODING HEART MASSAGE PARLOR TECHNIQUE!"

The nodulose bulbs pressed down intensely into the backs of Makoto's sides, right around the firm, muscular lumbar tissue, and rubbed in tight semicircles. Her nerves buzzed to life, and even she couldn’t stop what happened next.

"Pp-HHAA, HAHA-HAHA HAHA!! AH-Ha Ha-Ha Ha-Ha Haaa!!!"

It tickled! It tickled like crazy! Makoto lost all carefully-meditated control of her body and just exploded into wild, hysterical laughter. Her gravelly voice scraped at the inside of her throat, blasting out desperate shrieks from deep in her lungs.

"You think I got no skills to bring up against Ken Masters, dude? Now all I gotta do is get you punks in my way to loosen up first!" Those giant thumbs kneaded hard into Makoto's lower back with brutal strength. They just kept rubbing and squeezing every inch of her quivery sides.

"NOOO; HAHA-Haha!! Stop it, that tickles!! HA-HA HA-HA HA!!! No more, no mohohore!" she screamed furiously. Jetstreams of angry tears sprayed from her tightly-clenched eyes. She kicked and slapped the earth and thrashed like a bronco, but the poor girl couldn't wrench herself free of Rufus' massive weight. Her face was red from laughing. She didn't even notice it when Rufus’ thighs lifted off of her and allowed her to roll around on the floor...nor did she notice when she tumbled outside of the chalk circle that marked the arena’s edge, curled into a helpless fetal ball.

DING!!

"Ring out! Rufus is the winner!"

There was no applause. (Well, apart from Rufus' girlfriend Candy, who whooped enthusiastically in her annoying dollar-store Harley Quinn accent.) Only gasps. Mostly, everyone was just confused.

"What?! No, th-that's not fair! What kind of cheap tactics are those?!" Makoto shouted, her voice wavering from embarrassment and fury as she stood back up on wobbly legs. Her sides and her lower back were tingling as if numb, still reeling from the intense "massage" they'd just received. Her cheeks were scarlet, her breathing raspy and hard. She'd never felt so humiliated in front of the other combatants.

"Sorry, Miss Makoto, but thumb-tickling isn't against the rules in this tournament. We unfortunately have to disqualify you." The announcer's voice was firm, but sympathetic over the loudspeaker. And everyone had heard it. There was a murmur snaking throughout the crowd, as well as her fellow Street Fighters.

Makoto's stomach sank. Her lip quivering and her brows furrowed, she turned on her heel and slowly walked off. The brim of her cap shielded her eyes.

An instant one-punch KO would have been better.

Tarzan/Luca

It all happened so fast. Hot, blinding light washed over Luca, drying him instantly. For the first time in his life, there was no liquid cooling him. His face fell against a bed of rough pebbles. He whipped around like...well...a fish out of water. But he wasn't just a fish anymore.

His scales were gone.

In their place was an eerie, pinkish-white smooth surface. His blue cranial scales had retracted, replaced by a messy mop of something brown and seaweed-like. He screamed. He covered his eyes. He didn't even have time to process what was happening, so consumed was he by paranoia. But the kid nearby, who had pulled him out, just sat on a nearby rock, smirking and completely placid.

“AHHHH!! Help meeeee!” Luca wailed.

“First time?”

“Of course it is!!! I’m a good kid!!” His parents were gonna kill him!

“Hey, relax. Breathe.”

But Luca wasn’t paying attention. In the throes of his panic attack, his strange new body lurched forward and fell onto the once-purple human boy.

"Yah!"

“And what are THESE?!” Luca squeaked in terror, his voice cracking.

“Uhh, yeah, yeah, I know; no scales. See, they’re…yep, that’s it.” Luca’s new friend (?) was clearly a bit weirded out.

The tan-skinned boy accidentally yanked his wrist away from Luca with too much force…with little warning, his momentum sent him flying backwards off the rock he was sitting on, and he landed on his back in the beach pebbles. Luca shuffled forward on his elbows, still in a blind frenzy, until he was halted in his tracks by the strange kid’s right foot pressing against his shoulder.

“Hey, hey, whoa, kid; calm down,” the other stammered.

“WE HAVE FIVE FINGERS AND TOES?! How do we control that many at once?! Where are our webs?!” Luca grabbed the other boy’s foot and began to pull on & inspect the digits, and suddenly, the kid fell backwards in a fit of crazy, high-pitched giggling.

“PFFF, Heehee-Heehee-Heehee! *gasp* DAHH! No no no, dohohon’t! That tick-hlhl-hlhl-hles! *gasp* Heheh-Haha-Hahuh! No g-het ohoff, get off my tohoes, gehet off my toes, G-HET OFF MY TOES!”

Out of nowhere, the boy threw his foot out and smacked Luca right in the chin. Luca sailed back through the air until he crashed flat on his back in the shallow incoming wave, and the wet sea formed a perfect halo of green scales around his newly-human face. He was dazed. But as he laid there, attempting to come out of his stunned state, the world slowed down, and Luca finally looked at the surface for the first time.

Moving air brushed through the plants, making them wave back at him. Some kind of strange fish squawked and flapped their fins miles above his head. It was like nothing he'd ever seen before.

“Well…isn’t it great?”

“No! I-I-it’s bad, and…I’m not supposed to be up here! Good day!" Not saying another word, Luca disappeared back beneath the waves.

It took him a few moments to realize that he left his staff behind.

James & The Giant Peach/The Bad Guys

The Bad Guys had a bit of a tradition going. On each member’s birthday, no matter what, that intrepid burglar was granted once-a-year permission to take over from Mr. Wolf and plan a heist herself. (A tradition NOT observed by a certain serpent.) And Miss Tarantula had not-very-subtly been dropping hints about the Los Angeles County Museum of Art’s fortuitous reopening for about three weeks.

Wolf swallowed nervously as the whole group, dressed in black bandit jumpsuits, crawled through chilly steel ductwork beneath the building’s entrance. (All of them except Shark…he was driving the getaway van, and also disguised as a nun driving a bookmobile.)

Mr. Snake grumbled. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Webs, but she wasn’t very transparent about what exactly her plan was, and this was a brand new museum. They’d robbed the old one plenty of times, but the thing had been totally redesigned from the inside out. Just as he had the thought “We’re clueless,” he bonked into the end of the trail. Light streaked in from a grate above.

“Alright, sweetheart, I guess it’s all you,” Wolf said. Neither Snake or Tarantula was sure which one he was talking to, but they both proceeded regardless.

Quietly, Mr. Snake lifted the grate with his head, and it slid to the ground with a metal clunk. He was in the dead center of a blue moonlight patch shining down from a rose window. The polished, disinfected scent of marble and ancient vases enveloped him. They were in the cavernous white atrium. Just ahead was the grand staircase leading up into the various gallery wings. A quiet little security drone, about the size and shape of a black thumb drive, cast its blinking red light out onto the floor, humming to itself. There was nowhere that the reptilian safecracker could move without tripping an alarm.

“Ok, Webs, so what’s your brilliant plan now?” Mr. Snake hissed down in his signature sarcastic drawl.

“Glad you asked, big guy!” she told him through his earpiece. “Are ya ready? …you’re gonna be the bait!”

“WHHHHAAAT?!?” Snake’s furious outburst echoed all around the museum.

“Shhhh!!!” hissed Mr. Wolf.

“Who do you think you are?!”

“Snake, you have to trigger the motion alarms!” their master planner snapped.

"Why me?!"

"Hey; you guys said I was in charge! Me! Now trust me on this!!"

“Ohmygod I’m gonna fart,” Piranha muttered under his panicked breath.

“Are you nuts?! Absolutely not! I’m not doin that! And you can’t make me!”

“Oh yeah?!” Miss Tarantula laughed wickedly and jumped up onto Snake’s midsection. Chuckling to herself, she started tapping her extremely fuzzy legs at sonic speeds, the same way she used her “beast mode” keyboard to hack a vault, along the dead center of her companion's elongated body…and suddenly, Mr. Snake began to wiggle.

“Kkheh! Heh…Ha-Ha Ha-Ha! Heh…Hey! G-het off me!” he yelled down at her. He was trying to maintain his snarky demeanor and keep still, but Webs had found his ticklish spot. He was writhing angrily in all directions, involuntarily bashing his head into the museum floor. “HHHEHeh Ha-Ha! Hn-Hn Hn! St-hop it!”

Right on cue. The red lights snapped on and the blaring museum siren roared to life.

“Alright, guys, get ready; they’re coming!” Wolf commanded his team with a hint of nervousness. This wasn’t what he’d planned at all.

“Cootchiecootchiecoo……….ahcootchiecootchiecoo…” Tarantula teased Snake in her low, raspy voice, giggling as she danced and watched him squirm.

A dozen truncheon-brandishing security guards burst through he doors and thundered down the marble stairs with a terrible roar.

"Halt! Stay where you are!!"

Every second they grew closer to the helpless constrictor that lured them in a puddle of light.

“GKHNNN!! K-Heh, Ha-Ha Ha-Ha! You…you stupid jerks!! Hnuh…This isn’t fair; Ha-Ha Ha-Ha HA!!”

All of a sudden and with a violent, involuntary contortion, Mr. Snake twisted himself out of Tarantula's grip and leapt high into the air until he cast a shadow down on the charging cops, and they could only stare, bewildered, at the crooked and cackling-faced snakeskin he left behind.

The mob were barreling down far too fast to alter their course now. They all stumbled over one another as they rammed full-throttle through Mr. Snake’s abandoned skin….and straight into the almost-invisible web of patented tarantula-silk nanothread that stretched across the entire atrium behind it. They were already trapped in the net by the time Snake returned to the floor with a splat.

Bingo.

“Alright, guys, let’s get moving! We’ve only got a couple minutes!” Tarantula called triumphantly as she hopped out of the hole in the floor.

“Webs, you’re a genius.” Mr. Wolf climbed up too, followed by Piranha, and the group charged into the museum proper.

“Gah! I am going to EAT you!” Mr. Snake roared angrily at Tarantula.

“Ooo, yeah, scary; I’ll just make sure to tickle you from the inside on my way down!” she laughed at him.

Her plan had gone off without a hitch. By the time the local police were finally dispatched to the source of the alarm, every silkskreen print and multi-limbed Hindu statue in the museum was already gone. Millions in art, down the drain.

And in a bookmobile across town, there were four gleeful partygoers, popping corks and celebrating a night of revelry...

....along with one very sour snake.